some of you know and likely resent the next lines of this song.
What will people think if they hear that I'm a Jesus Freak?
What will people do when they find that it's true?
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus Freak.
There ain't no disguising the truth.
And let me start off by saying that I can understand and relate to your resistance. I have the same problem with being labeled as anything. I don't like to be labeled as a Christian or as a Jesus Freak for the same reasons I don't want to be labeled as black or as woman or as young or as nerd or as sorority girl. I just don't like labels, because they leave nothing to be imagined. Even the person with the best intentions, when they think of me as Christian there are bound to be some thoughts that come along with that label that are not pleasant. Christians persecute and exploit people just as badly as others.
But I realized tonight while I was at the Thousand Foot Krutch, Barlow Girl, Toby Mac concert that I miss the days when I could sing that song and know it's true. And there's a reason why "I don't want gain the whole world and lose my soul" makes me cry almost every time I hear it.
It's not because I don't want to do and be the right thing. It's because standing for the things I'm inclined to stand for will elicit that undesirable label. Of all the things to be labeled as 'Jesus Freak' is the thing that I can tolerate. But it kind of scares me that I am so against being labeled that I do things outside of character in order to make sure that people are always wondering about me. I "go ghetto" on the white kids so they always remember I'm not just like them. I stand out among the black people so they'll remember that I'm different than most. I'll drink because I'm not a stick in the mud, but I won't get drunk because I'm responsible. I won't tell you premarital sex is wrong but I won't do it either. I won't touch narcotics, but I laugh with you when you talk about getting high.
I realized tonight that my fear of being misidentified is stealing my identity.
Just like I told Christian last year over Spring Break: I've been trying to "educate myself" by trying everything and doing whatever I want, but I'm kind of running from the fact that I'm a good girl, a Christian girl, at heart.
To renege just a little on what I said in the last post...
I think it was really important, and with some things still is important, for me as an intellectual person who was born to be a leader in a pluralistic society to question everything. Because unfortunately for me I really only learn by action. So it wasn't until I questioned everything - God and His power and authority and capacity of love included - that I came to understand the hearts of people who question everything. It wasn't until I lived a lukewarm, hypocritical lifestyle that I was able to understand why people do it. It wasn't until I experienced the immoral that I realized the safety and peace and prosperity that come when you stand for the moral and just.
Yesterday, my advice to the world was to question everything.
Today, my advice is to figure out what works for you. How do you learn? By hearing, by experiencing, by observing? However it is that you learn, you need to seek that out until it brings you to the foot of the cross.
Now it's time for me to take my stand and truly say "I don't really care if they label me a Jesus Freak. There ain't no disguisin' the truth."