Coming Back

I haven’t posted on here in forever. I could write an essay about why. I’ll spare you and give you bullet points:

• Busy with school
• Busy with poetry
• Confused about the men in my life 
• Feeling like no one reads this or cares anyway 
• Feeling like I have nothing to say that will help anyone 
• ^ which is also being dishonest about where I am and why 

The last two are the two I have always struggled with in regards to my love blogs. I am not your savior. I am not your pastor. I have a prophetic gift, but it is neither fully developed nor is it meant for everyone all the time. So it is silly, prideful, and off-target to think that my only job is to say things that will help you.

The purpose of this is and has always been to tell MY STORY, and hopefully through seeing my truth, someone will find in God her own truth. When I am dishonest about my struggles, I take away the element of this that makes me human and real and makes it all worth it.  We like to watch people triumph over their struggles. If you’re anything like me, those who seem perfect do not inspire you. So I have to remember to be who I would be inspired by: someone flawed who reached for the hem of Christ’s garment and was set free.

Praise and Prayer - Jan. 2, 2013

Today, my praise is primarily for the opportunity that God has given me to minister.

He has given me two very important and very big jobs - women and girls, and high school students in their (English) language arts classes. It comes directly from the relationship I have with Him. Because I KNOW Him to be a selfless and righteous lover and because I know the Lord to be a personality who wants to receive love as much as - even more! - than I do, it has changed my life.  Because the Lord loves me so completely, I don’t have to long for the affection or even attention of men who don’t love the Lord. Because I know this, I can live this. It is difficult (although not impossible) to live something that you don’t fully understand. So when we understand Who God really is, we can live for Him.  Or a better phrase is: we can live with Him. This is my ever-relevant message to women and girls. When we live with God, we don’t have to live with certain pains and sins and problems. Our problems become more outside of ourselves, our sins become less life-threatening, and our pains become duller. God took my relentless, painful, idol-worshiping lust for human romance and replaced it with the chance to give love to a group of students who categorically don’t receive as much love as they need.  He taught me to love words and the Word, and how to manage emotions and thoughts through creative expression. That’s what I intend to teach. As soon as I surrendered my struggle and my intention to the Lord, He gave me back two huge chances to minster to the world around me. Praise Him!

Today, my prayer is for Divine inspiration THAT WILL LAST.

Many of us have made New Year’s resolutions. Even those of us who haven’t know that there is something in us that needs to change. I don’t believe that all diligence or drive come from pressure or expectation. I believe that sometimes, the best motivator is pure inspiration - look at how she did it, look at what God did there, look how beautiful, what a huge task! how did she do it?  And that inspiration can last longer than the fear of punishment or the pain of semi-slavery. So I pray that whatever needs to change in our lives, the Lord (in His mercy - because He does not have to do this, because of His love) will present us with bits and pieces of inspiration to keep us going.