The Loop, and the Future

There is so much happening in my life right now.

I love my job, but I don't love the money I'm not making. Hopefully, it will all be easier in a few weeks when we get a third roommate.

I miss being fashionable. I went shopping today with money I probably shouldn't have spent, and got so excited about the things I bought. I also got sad that I won't be able to wear them to work. I hate uniforms.

I am really busy, but trying to pretend like I'm not. I obsessively text and tweet in order to make myself feel the illusion of leisure time. That's kind of sad.

I have done two performances with the Wordpulp Slam Team in the last two weeks. I have one this Thursday (7/15) and the following Thursday (7/22). The week after that is the arrival of my third roommate, Primary Day (7/27), another Wordulp event (7/29), our house party (7/31) and my birthday (8/1). On August 3 I hop in a van with the team and head to St. Paul, Minnesota for the National Poetry Slam. I'm excited and scared shitless. So much to do and so little time.

I have pretty officially landed a job with a local start-up publication called The Loop Magazine. We are trying to become an urban version of The Oklahoma Gazette on glossy paper with some more flavor added! I loved the girls I met who have been running the show for the last year. I wrote a rough draft of my first piece just now and was all jazzed up so I decided to update my blog. I'll edit the piece tomorrow and then send it off in hopes of getting good reviews.

I've gained back three of my thirteen pounds lost and I need to fix that as quickly as possible. I don't care so much about the pounds, except they are directly indicative of how much work I haven't done in the last two weeks.

I started to get back into OSGA stuff but then all of this life happened so I haven't continued.
My roommate's manager at Starbucks is trying to set up an interview with me, but I'm antsy about it. I love Build-A-Bear and I already don't focus on it that well. But I need more money too. If Starbucks is offering full-time I might really need to look into it. My boss hasn't said no to a raise. She hasn't said anything at all.

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My job with The Loop has got me thinking about the future. I think I could be content to work one "day job" and write for the magazine for anywhere from two to seven years. I say seven years because then I'll be thirty and I should probably pass that mantle to someone else, and start the teaching gig. Hopefully the economy will have turned around by then and I might even be settled into a stable relationship.

Magazine writing is what I always wanted to do until I developed my political persona and made myself believe that it wasn't a serious job. Now that my ideas have run the whole gamut, I think I'm ready to do, rather than just think. I know what I'm capable of and I'm ready to get out there and try my luck at life.

I want to teach, but not right now.
Now to just finish out this degree...

Moving Mountains

There are some days when I sit back and look at my surroundings and look at the people I know and love and think:

I just want to teach high school English in OKC public schools.

I want to have my weekends and summers off. I want to be able to randomly drive to Dallas or Houston to spend quality time with my family. I want to be free to go places and experience things.
And I want to be a cog in the system working for change in a small way, in a way teenagers need. I want to move one mountain, one stone at a time, not join with a large group of people to shift the entire course of the Rockies. Just one mountain. And I've got a lifetime to move it by myself.

And then I talk to a lady in Build-A-Bear. Sweet lady who looks Hispanic and whose daughter looks either Hispanic or Middle Eastern. She comes in an average of twice a month and never drops less than $100 on her four-year-old. I thought she was insane at first, because that's way too much money on children's toys. But this week she came in twice - Monday and Tuesday - and said some things that made me look deeper.

Monday she told about how they had "cut back" because her daughter wasn't treating her toys like she was grateful, like they were special. Very observant. Much less materialistic than I had originally thought she was. Tuesday they come in and she is wearing the same clothes - and a woman who drops dollars like she does has plenty of clothes to change into. She looks tired, sad, sick, or all of the above and she's doing a ton of sniffling. She looks at me almost apologetically and says, "We just came back for the jaguar. Just the jaguar." Her daughter starts running around looking at the things she likes and trying to decide if she has them at home already (because she's got half our store). I ask her if she is okay. She says she's been sick.

The lady sits down in a chair looking ready to wither and starts talking to me. She was surprised that I understood everything her daughter said. She said I must have kids. I told her no, I just love them and love to listen to them. I said I taught two- and three-year old Sunday school for a couple of years and that I want to teach high school English. She says I'll be great. After some time passes she says, "You should teach at Cassidy."

If you know me or have read my other posts about teaching, you know that I have NO desire to teach preppy, rich, white kids. And Cassidy is more preppy, rich, and white than almost any private school in the metro. I had to reign in my thoughts before I said, "Oh hell no!"

Instead I said, "Well, I've always wanted to teach in public schools. Private schools, especially Cassidy, are kind of..."
"Snotty?" She put in. I nodded appreciatively. She continued: "I don't ever want to be hateful, but some of the parents there are very elitist even toward my family." And we proceed to have a whole conversation about rich, snotty people and how she doesn't want to be one, how she doesn't want her daughter to be one, and how she's not sure if she wants her daughter attending that school past elementary. She is afraid the other kids will hurt her. And I can completely relate because that's how it always was for me in private elementary and junior high school.

She isn't from Oklahoma. Wherever she lived before, she attended public school in what she referred to as a "Mexican ghetto," likely the same kind I want to teach in. She said it was scary and she doesn't want her daughter to go through that either.
I worried over her and the reason behind her sniffles and weakness and day-old outfit until they left.

I stood there wondering what I could have done more to help. I had wanted to hug her but didn't know if that was okay.

And then I thought: I'll have to do something more than just teach high school English. But I don't know what it is yet. Right now, the Build-A-Bear Workshop will do.

School Days

Welp, it seems to be time, past time really, to make a definite, not-changing come-hell-or-high-water plan to graduate from college. I had a couple of different versions of that plan all the way up until July 2009. Then I transferred from Oklahoma City University, an exciting, top-notch, private, REALLY expensive institution, and enrolled at the University of Central Oklahoma, a well-respected, public institution known across the state and farther as a great school to teach teachers (which is my degree path).

When I realized that at UCO none of my school expenses would come out of pocket, I had a heart-to-heart with myself and then with my best friend. We decided that we liked school and as long as it was cheap (or free), what was really wrong with staying in until you couldn't stand it anymore?

There are a few reasons all this is coming up:

1) I just got an exciting internship (TBA) and I might be able to get some course credit for it if I play my cards right. 

2) I am in the interview process for a change in one of my jobs (hush hush). This change would give me job stability and a potential raise (i.e. I could easily move out and not have to struggle).
3) I looked over my transcript and realized these things:

    a) I am only 3 classes away from a minor in journalism.

    b) with 4 classes, I could pick up a minor in public relations (one of which - Media Writing - is the same as a class I'd need for journalism).
    c) I am only 3 classes away from a minor in Spanish.

Here are the potential plans of action:

1) leave my spring 2010 schedule the way it is and graduate with a Bachelor's in English Education in May 2011. 

2) request a mass communications internship credit for my non-school related internship.

3) change my spring 2010 schedule a little by:
   a) adding Media Writing at 8 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays (which crosses a class off of both the PR and journalism lists). This would make my class schedule 17 hours rather than 14 (but two of my courses are block courses so it will feel like 14 hours rather than 11).

   b) adding Principles of PR at 12:30 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays to decide if I really want to pursue a minor in PR (and if I do, I'd be one class closer).

   *Note: these changes in my spring 2010 schedule will NOT keep me from my BA in English Ed. in May 2011.

   *Note: I have mapped out a plan to graduate in December 2011 with a BA in English Ed. and 3 minors: PR, journalism, and Spanish. Yes, I would have an awkward semester of no school where I'd need a full-time job and it likely wouldn't be teaching...but if I do the job change that I'm currently working on, I can make that job work, or get another part-time to supplement it. "You can do anything for a year" (without it permanently damaging you) and that would only be 6 months. ;-)

Why get 3 minors instead of just 1? you ask.

My dad lives in Panama. It would mean a lot to me personally to be able to say that I studied Spanish and am proficient if not fluent in the language. You get more money on certain jobs if you know a foreign language, especially Spanish in Oklahoma jobs. My life is communications so I'm sure it'd come in handy. 

I started college as a journalism major and therefore finished several of those classes. I have no desire to be a journalist, but my exposure to PR came from journalism. A lot of the practices and concepts overlap. It just seems silly to only leave 3 classes hanging between me and a minor.

I have worked in public relations for the last calendar year. I find it fun and interesting. I have a knack for it, but I have no formal training in it. Because of the overlap in the mass communications field, I have a headstart on a minor. 4 classes doesn't seem that hard for something I really want, that would really boost my resume.

The only really weird/awkward thing with the minors (other than telling people I have 3 minors) is that the time I need to do both a PR and journalism minor will put me off to the point that it would be ridiculous NOT  to do the Spanish minor. Just because of timing. What I could (and probably should) do is make sure that I take care of the PR and journalism classes before the Spanish ones and make sure to take care of PR before journalism. 

Anyone have input?

(please say you do)

Keeping the Balance?

I find myself forever questioning whether or not we are in control of our lives.

Do we make decisions that we want to make and the end result of our life is based on those decisions? Or are we puppets and playthings for a God who does with us what he/she wants?

I think the right answer is probably somewhere in the middle. I was telling a friend last night that I think "god" is a label we put on what we don't understand. I think the thing that we most often call God is really just the Force that sustains the Universe. This Force is sentient but it is not a person. It was not born, it does not live, and it cannot die. It simply is. The job of this Force seems to be that of balance-keeping. For each person who is born, a person dies. For each year that someone lives too long, someone else dies early. For each good deed there's a bad one. For each happy thing there's something sad.

I could be wrong, but it would make sense. "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." It's science, right?

And in my mind, this doesn't leave room for coincidences or mistakes. Everything happens for a reason.

On March 6, I totalled my car driving an hour and a half from a booty call. On April 27, a male friend of mine spent his evening in a hospital treating a severe burn when he thought he'd be spending his evening in my bed.

Is the Universe trying to counteract my inclination toward random sex?

I don't know.
It's just a thought.