Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Short Arms - NaPoWriMo #4

Here I stand for all time
Arms extended wide of my body, fingertips reaching,
heart open, chest heaving,
All seven eyes open, seeing clearly

I see the tear-stained homework
as you continue to write and erase and rewrite
because turning your assignment in late won't make him change

I see the demons that taunt you while you sleep,
ghosts of lovers come and gone,
dreams of things you couldn't be because you're smarter than the average sheep

I see the bruise behind your newly cut bangs,
the one he gave because you fell asleep at his mother's dinner table,
exhausted by school, your job, and the baby
you haven't told him you're carrying beneath your heart

I see the bones of your ribcage
and beyond that I feel the insecurity they cause.
I feel you withdraw from the friendship you claim you need so desperately

But this should be easy
Stop pulling away
My arms are so tired, but I AM HERE TO STAY
This should be natural
All you have to do is receive

I see the muscles in your back clench
from too many successive hours spent bent over your work bench.
The work you produce is lovely
but beneath the ink, I see your fear of being a failure like him

I see the blood on the bed sheets
It's been four years and your body has healed
but I go there with you whenever your mind remembers the feel of stranger taking future

I see all of your scars and your flaws
I see your heart wishing to advance
and your mind deciding to withdraw
But you don't need to be seen...

You need someone you can trust
to place her hand where the blood used to be and chant songs of healing

You need someone to take the pen,
put it to your breastbone and engrave the word "free"

You need gentle fingertips
to press delicate foods between your rarely parted lips and tell you it's okay to relax

This should be easy
Please stop retreating
My arms are short,

You need a hand
gently brushing your hair back while you sleep in peace that passes all understanding

You need to be touched
in that place between wakefulness and your dreams
so you can see the angel asking your permission to fight back the demons

You need a pat on the back so you know
there's nothing enlightened about resenting growth

This should feel better
Here I stand
Hands out, heart open,
doing the very best I can
All eyes seeing,
all muscles reaching
But I can't be there for you if you insist on leaving

I've been writing them in a notebook, not typing them, but this one is so much a piece of my heart broken off and passed out to the world that I needed y'all to see it as soon as possible.
The other three have the same theme. Apparently I am really eaten up about the state of the world.

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