Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Body Image and Athleticism

I started cheer leading in fourth grade (and continued in sixth, seventh, eighth, and freshman year of college). I was never a skinny kid, but I was basically a born performer, so I cheered along with acting, singing, dancing, stepping/stomping, and public speaking. (That makes me sound like some powerhouse triple-threat, but I'm not that good at any of those - except talking. Lol. I'm just an attention whore.) If you know me now or have known me for any length of time, you know that I'm a pretty thick girl. No dancer/cheerleader body here, and never has been.

I'm taking a Healthy Life Skills class (UCO's version of OCU's Wellness) and I just watched Bring It On 3, so I've got my mind on fitness.

Do you see these tiny tummies and cute body jewelry?

I'm on the back row in pre-clap mode. Lol.

Last spring I went through this phase where I wanted to lose 50 pounds by January. It started really really good. I worked out everyday (and didn't hate my life), had a good diet going (and allowed myself some indulgences every couple of weeks), and saw results quickly. I lost 15 in about 3 weeks (which they say isn't healthy, but I think it was fine because I had COMPLETELY changed my life).

...Then I moved off-campus and the gym was no longer a two-minute walk from my apartment. Everyday became every couple of days. Then I totaled another car and the gym happened like once a week. I started eating my depression and sleeping all day everyday. So I gained back that 15 pounds and probably a few more.

My original plan when I transferred schools was to make UCO's Wellness Center my 2nd home. But it's been four and a half weeks and I haven't hit the gym once. (I did take four yoga classes and immediately started toning up, which tells me that my body really wants to be active.) We took a tour of the Wellness Center in Healthy Life Skills class today and I was struck by how lazy I've been. I saw my friend Gina in there and remembered how much motivation I used to have and how "simple" it was to get on the right track.

Is there any excuse for being overweight when I have a free membership to a huge facility paid in full with my tuition?

The second problem is time. I have two jobs, and a few volunteer things that I do on the side of work and school. I'm always behind on homework. I never read my Bible or wake up early to go to prayer. And I sleep basically every time I sit for very long. I feel like there are never enough hours to do half of what I want, much less all of it.

Should I continue to put off working out and weight loss until I get my spiritual life and my academic endeavors underway? Or should I force myself to learn diligence by continuing to pile things on (like adding workouts into an already semi-cramped schedule)?

The third problem is vanity. It's one of my vices. It's probably my biggest problem after giving into loneliness and lacking diligence. Is the quest for health - working out, eating differently, etc - really about health, or do I just want to be smaller because I'm vain?

I need some guidance over here.

Soon to come: "Welcome to the P.I.T." - here's a teaser.

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