Jesus and Ice Cream in a Coffee Mug

I've been trying to figure out how to blog again.

That's the weirdest thing for me to write. 

Figuring out how? No way. Words flow out of me, all the time, for no reason and every reason. There's nothing to figure out, it's just to do. 

But the doing is hard. 

It's hard because of time. It's hard because our bodies are limited. It's hard because our hearts get cluttered. It's hard because I have a lot of tasks to juggle. But it's important and it's what I'm called to, so I need to do it better. 

Monday night, the Lord infused me with his strength and diligence and I worked hard and went to bed early. I went to bed thinking, "I can't wait to get up in the morning and spend time with the Lord!" That's the best feeling. I pray that feeling comes more regularly. 

I feel it tonight - Saturday. I can't wait to get up in the morning and go worship the Lord with other believers! 

Thank God for expectation! Thank God that He humbles Himself to be with us.  

Tuesday morning I woke with expectation. I brewed coffee and opened my Bible and my notebook and I sat down excited to study.  I read from Matthew 19 about the complexity of what happens after salvation and after death.  

I drank coffee and painted my face and dressed well and felt like I had done it all to the glory of God.  That day at school, I worked hard.  I worked hard on students' assignments.  I worked hard on kids' hearts.  I worked hard to get adolescent writers to transform lists into poems.  

It was lovely.  It was exhausting.  I came home afterward with a PMS migraine and just watched Grey's Anatomy.  I put cookies and cream flavored Blue Bell ice cream into that morning's coffee mug and recorded a short video.  I remembered that my PaPa taught me to control my sweet tooth by eating ice cream out of a small mug.  I remembered that excellence in any area of work is all glory to God who strengthens us.  I smiled a lot.  

It's the little things, like coffee mugs of ice cream, that center us and point us back to the big things: God and His Kingdom and His will being done on earth through us.  How sweet it is!

Here's the link to the video I did that night. I exported it straight from Periscope. 

https://youtu.be/y4jp13zQWfw

Every Time I Turn Around

Everyone has a different way of reacting to the world and to authority.

I am, by nature, a person who makes my own rules. I battle pride and I think I am smart enough to figure out my own way that works for me. It takes a long time for me to trust someone enough to submit to them and to listen when they tell me something.  This is especially hard when I have to change my attitude or my behavior! I first attempt to justify why I don’t need to change. And then I punk out by saying I can’t do it.

I even do this with God.

I know a lot of really great, strong Christians.  My “brothers” favorite phrases are “no days off,” “stay ready so you don’t have to get ready,” and “die daily.”  And they are diligent, excellent living testimonies to these phrases. 

But sometimes I get so caught up in that high expectation that I beat myself up because I “can’t” meet the standard.  But God reminded me that we are called to live a life of repentance – turning, changing.  Why? Because He knows that we will sometimes mess up.  And if we get into the habit of turning around, we can spend less time battling guilt and more time thanking God for His grace that meets us where we are. 

I could do penance from here to eternity for all the ways I’ve failed.  Or I could skip that and simply say, “I messed up again.  I am sorry again.  I am turning from that bad behavior and turning toward You.”  Even if I have to say that 20 times a day, it’s better than staying in my sin because I’m too afraid of the cycle. 

Repentance is holiness. 

And maybe the reason my brothers stay ready, the reason they are on Team Die Daily is because they have mastered the turning minute by minute.  I just have to speed up.

Say What? Word?

In my last post, I used the premise of Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love to give some guidelines for having a fulfilled life: pray, "eat," and live. As promised, in this post I am going to discuss my theory of "eating" a bit more.

I already mentioned "[hu]man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4).

What are God's words? The easy answer is: the Bible. The educated answer is: God's words are those which proclaim the Gospel, the good news, of salvation through Divine intervention.

Let me clarify: The only reason I did not leave my declaration at "the Bible - period" is because I believe, like Tommy Tenney (author of the famous Christian text The God Chasers), that God has not stopped speaking to His people since he gave John the Revelation and since Paul wrote his inspired epistles to the early churches. "God is the same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8), so it doesn’t make sense that He would stop giving us prophets, relevant and timely instruction, and revelation.

I think there are dozens of books out there written by people who listen just as closely to God as Matthew and Amos and Moses listened to God. And I think their words are just as relevant to living a godly life as those in the canonized Bible. These authors’ books typically include biblical cross-references along their original revelations.

I will not name specific other books of scripture in this post, but I will say this: Christianity hinges on the revelation (not the intellectual knowledge) that Jesus, the Christ, who was both God and man allowed himself to be killed in order to "pay for" human sinfulness (Phil. 2:5-8). All religions I have studied acknowledge that humans are inclined toward wrong doing more than right doing. Most theism (or “belief in God”) acknowledges that God is "holier," better, stronger than humans. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus's death paid (past tense) the price for my sin. It happened immediately in the instant of his death, and now only has to be accepted.

I am going to disagree with some theologians here, though, and say: I don't think Jesus came to earth, lived, was tortured, died, and rose again (that's the difference; martyrs are a dime a dozen) primarily to save us from hell. Why not? Because I don't believe that the people who attempted to be faithful to God before Jesus's earth tour went to hell. I believe Jesus's death and resurrection were ordained by God to give us a chance at a better life on earth, an opportunity for the life God wanted when He created humans in the first place. Now THAT’S GOOD NEWS!

Christianity is about being saved from the effects of sin in our lives on earth more so than the after-life result of rejecting God's sovereignty. We are saved and able to engage in the process of becoming more whole, and therefore becoming holier and happier.

So, how do we measure if it is God’s word or not? In my prayerful, researched opinion, God's word is this:

• It DOES constantly require you to do better. 
• It DOES constantly remind you that you cannot do better without God. 
• It DOES come from a place of love. 
• It DOES NOT allow you to remain complacent. 
• It DOES NOT convince you that your next level is all about gritting your teeth and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps (none of that “they sleep, we grind” mentality). 
• It DOES NOT come from a place of judgment. 

Despite many Christians’ aversion to everything that hints at another religion, in Liz Gilbert's book her first act on her spiritual journey was to cry out to a God she wasn't sure she believed in and ask for help. Even she prayed first. And when God spoke; she listened and obeyed.

#iLoveWords

 For some information on other ways God speaks, check out Soul Medicine next week.

Six Months Later

In my last post, my New Year's post, I didn't mention much about school because I was a little emotionally overwhelmed about it.  They took me out of my on-level English classes with 90 students and put me in a co-taught special education classroom with 30 students.  They said it was because I was inexperienced.  Last month, they didn't offer me a contract to return on the premise that I didn't have enough experience.

Because God is awesome and He makes provisions for you before you know you need them, I was offered an interview from a small independent African American district before I even knew they weren't asking me back.  I was asked, interviewed, and hired directly by the superintendent.  She saw me performing poetry at Urban Roots and thought I might be a good match. I'll be teaching on-level English and one or two creative writing or poetry classes.  It's an awesome opportunity! I'm so excited!

I published my poetry chapbook The Risk to Bloom and have sold several copies. I had a feature show that I got paid for (that's three now!) and I booked another feature. I am in talks with three other potential features.  I have a ton of video from these shows but I haven't had time to edit and publish it yet.

I have been asked to write for a group called Soul Medicine. I will post a link and more information about that soon.

I have done a ton more praying and seeking. I have received several revelations about myself, my future, who God wants me to marry and what He wants me to do in the meantime. God is good. I am currently reading The Utter Relief of Holiness by John Eldredge.  I'm going to make another attempt at reading The Daniel Plan by Rick Warren. If you have any other books written by Christians about health, feel free to recommend them.
I have not yet developed a daily without fail prayer and Bible study time. Sometimes I skip a day and other days I'm in it for 2-6 hours. I am inconsistent.

My health is all over the place. I don't eat well. I do exercise regularly, but that is offset by my lack of nutrition and sleep.

My summer goals are these:

1) Read Judges, 2 Samuel, 1 and 2 Kings at least. Maybe 1 and 2 Chronicles also.
2) Find good recipes, make good, clean, healthy food and eat regularly.
3) Find a good workout regimen with RIPPED, zumba, and yoga.
4) Read novels, excerpts, and other things for school unit prep.
      a) I will keep my book list on my blog and update it with reviews.
5) Travel and perform
     a) Right now Dallas, Houston, Kansas City, Baltimore, DC, and New York are on the list.  That's probably enough for one summer, but you never know what's going to happen.
6) Tutor
7) Draft my nonfiction book and write good, short things

Awakening

My friend Alton posted on Facebook about spiritual awakening today.

The students who need the most help are the ones who get suspended and expelled. One of the kiddos got arrested today - I don't even know what for.

People get sick with diseases that are simply attacks of the devil everyday.

One of my kiddos got a girl pregnant recently and has been all depressed about it in class.

My church is having 7 days of prayer this week - Integrity's Voice of Victory Church 44th and Meridian in OKC if you're interested - and I'm so motivated.  Corporate prayer has always captured my attention.

But the point of this post isn't really to invite you to my church.  It's to encourage you to try trusting God, try doing what He would ask you to, try loving like Jesus did.

I know there are a million reasons not to.
a hundred thousand complications
a thousand concerns and a hundred excuses
and then there is fear...

...but you'll never know if you don't try.

Wake up. Look around you. Look at your Facebook feed - 9 year old girls giving male toddlers lap dances, kindergarteners "twerking," people being abducted and killed every minute of every day. There is very obviously something wrong here.  And what we have been trying to do to fix it hasn't helped.

Obama came and he will soon go and things are not better. There has been little change.

There's really only one change agent.  Seek Him. Find Him.  Choose life.

Please. It's real out here. 

Identifying Faith

My Identity

This blog was more or less created around the idea of identity. 

 

I identify myself by who I am and who I will always be no matter what: human, woman, Black, Latina...

 

 

 

...by what I am right now and love being, but have to make a conscious decision to remain as: natural, Oklahoman, following God, a high school teacher, not married (yes, this is a conscious decision), striving for justice and love, a writer, a performer, an editor...

 

 

 

...by what I love doing: a book lover, a baby snuggler, a thinker, a music lover, a dreamer...

 

 

 

...and by a couple things I know are temporary: a master's student, not married, trying to stay healthy.

  

For the purpose of not letting this be the world's longest blog series, I will narrow it down to the few identifiers I want to talk about. I have already discussed my God-following and health at length (and I'm sure there will be more in future). Over the next few posts, I will discuss being Black and Latina (or Latinegra or Afrolatina), being a woman and being natural (probably together), being a woman and being unmarried, being a writer, and being human (which will have a spiritual focus, of course).   

 

Here is a teaser quote:

"I am an endangered species, but I sing no victim songs. I am a woman. I am an artist, and I know where my voice belongs." - Dianne Reeves

 

How do you identify yourself? "Hi, my name is _______ and I am __________"???

"Don't Be Such a Martyr"

We have all heard the phrase "Don't be such a martyr."
It means, stop glorifying your struggle. But it also means stop struggling, or sacrificing, for no reason. More often than not, people don't choose to sacrifice for no reason.  Fairly often, the reason for the sacrifice is something friends and family don't understand.  So it is seen as unnecessary and they are encouraged to quit when it hurts.

Now, we all know victims whose lives are hard because they imagine pain and trial where there ought to be none.  I have played the victim many times in my life.  And there is real pain bound up in that behavior, real fear that must be actively replaced with faith.

Majority populations and people in power often say that minorities or lower class people are acting like martyrs, claiming to be persecuted when really they just are not driven enough to rise above their circumstances.

In the predominant definition of a martyr, someone gives his/her life for a cause they believe in.  Many of us don't use martyr to mean that anymore because in western civilization in 2013 it is rare to give your life on purpose.  You either unintentionally die from illness or are killed in some tragic accident.  We are not a group of cultures that die for causes.  

So many believe that God's dominant desire from us is that we live as those who follow Him, rather than die in a blaze of glory.  As a general rule, I agree.  I know it is easier to die than to live through certain pains, struggles, and battles with losses as well as victories.  Martyrdom has been historically considered the ultimate sacrifice - giving up something you want, your life, for something you want more.  But for me, personally, giving up my life would be easy.  Staying alive and fighting through is the hard thing.  I have to give up simplicity and ease and predictability in order to glorify God in the way I have been called.

Some people might wonder why I am doing this forty-day book study A Call to Die, why I am making myself write so much, study so hard.  It's summer break, I could be relaxing. Relaxing can't serve God? (Of course it can. Sometimes it's the only thing that can.)

I never go many weeks without being approached by a man.  In general, it doesn't progress very far because we don't see eye-to-eye about the purpose of life and faith.  But in recent years I have met a couple of men who do hold to all the same ideals I do.  But it's not my time to focus on them or on romance.  Right now is a preparation season (another one) for my next several months of teaching and building bridges (more on that later).  So I have to give up romance, even healthy romance, for personal development.  Not every opportunity is the best one for this season.  Sacrifice.

Check out this poem by Janette...ikz.  It's called "HypoChristian."

Normally poems like that make me uncomfortable.  She is asking for too much (although everything that she challenges us to do mirrors the Bible) and she is asking for it so intensely.  But what she is doing right that so many are afraid to do is forcing us to come face to face with our priorities.  Do we want to be "Christians," to follow God, or do we not?  Because if we do, we have to do what God has said we need to.  We have to sacrifice.

The Risk, The Sacrifice

I just finished editing my first chapbook of poems and sent it off for peer-edits.. There are just over twenty poems in it, many of which I have performed for crowds that liked or loved them.  I wrote these poems mainly during my college years, when I was searching, wandering, losing and finding myself by the week and month.

There is a quote from Anais Nin that I heard on Alicia Keys' album The Element of Freedom and it really touched me: "The day came when the risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
Last year I had a show called "The Risk to Bloom" and that is what I am naming my book as well.

I don't doubt that Anais Nin (and Alicia Keys) mean something different about freedom and about blooming than I do, but the quote is so true and so powerful.

 

Sometime during college I closed myself off to lots of emotions - many who knew me then would say that I never cried and sometimes seemed to feel nothing but laughter and anger.  I closed myself off to the piercing power of the Holy Spirit.  After a lot of meditating and reading old poems and journals, I think I was tired and afraid of feeling convicted, so I stopped allowing myself to give in to questions about my motives and my misbehaviors.

I couldn't close down everything, though. I let in beautiful words. I allowed words to feel for me so I wouldn't have to.

After college, that didn't work for me anymore.  I actually didn't write for months on end, close to a year.  Being closed off like that was really hurtful to my sweet roommate at the time.  It got me fired from a job I was good at.  It led me to a really dark place where I behaved as if there were no God to heal and protect and provide. I went through a ministry class at church, because I was asked to, and because I was sure that if I didn't do something "radical" I would not make it much farther. 

What I know now is that there is a beauty God puts inside each of us - namely women (inside the men, I am inclined to say He places a strength - not that women have no strength and men have no beauty but I am speaking generally) - and that beauty is precious and vulnerable.  The devil does not want the world to see that beauty.  The devil does not want the world to see your light shining to glorify the God who made you. So there is an attack on our beauty and on our strength. It is a ruthless attack.  The goal is that we would die emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and then perhaps physically as well.  The devil wants our potential dead because it is a reflection and a manifestation of God's potential - His omnipotence (same root word: potent).  I learned that our beauty is inextricably bound to God.  Without God everything begins crumbling.

Knowing that there is an enemy who wants to attack the strongest, most beautiful part of you makes you want to protect it, to hold it back, to maybe lock it away in a high tower where no harm can reach it...and no one can see it or be inspired by it.

I am thankful to be living after "the day" when I realized that hiding is too painful and detrimental.  But in order to fully grasp that, I must let go of what used to be and how I used to cope.  I must release the hiding and the self-protection in order to bloom.  I must release the people who are attached to who I used to be.  I must be willing to sacrifice what I once wanted - angsty poems that make people cry and applaud, that pull their heartstrings - for what I want more - to be whole and holy in God, and to show others how to get there.

I am afraid that my writing won't be as good without all of the angst.  I am afraid that it won't be as poignant, that it will draw a smaller crowd.

"It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." - Marianne Williamson

I am afraid that many of those who nurtured my writing from the beginning will shun it when I consistently insist on putting God in the middle of it.  

"I tell you, the Kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a nation that will produce the proper fruit. And whoever falls on this stone [that the builders rejected] will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder." - Matthew 21:43-44.  Jesus was quoting Psalms 118:22-23.  He was saying that He is who people reject, the "stone" or building block that "builders" reject.  Because we are all building a life, and we are either building it on Christ or on something else.  He is saying that the "nation" producing "proper fruit" is the nation that has "fallen" on Him and allowed themselves to be broken. He is talking about the people who have sacrificed what they wanted for the Kingdom and then used Him to build their lives on.  Those who won't sacrifice, who won't allow themselves to be broken are those whom the "stone" will crush.  I don't believe this directly translates to God reaching out to smite people.  I think it means that if you don't make the sacrifice to build your life around the Kingdom, you take yourself from God's protection and then life's trials and hardships can and will crush you. 

So I trust that whatever I create from here on out will touch who it ought, where it ought, how it ought to.  I do not have to be angsty and sinful in order to be creative or draw a crowd.  I can be whole and holy.

At some point I will have to sacrifice the freedom of having all the time in the world for the discipline of health.  I have to want health more than I want "free time." It's a change in mindset. I have to invest in the process, the patient endurance, the sweating at a low fitness level until I get to a higher one. 

peace comes WITH understanding

words. are. life. to. me.

the true colors personality test has just helped me understand that life.

knowing that i'm predominantly green (as opposed to gold, blue, or orange) - i.e. more analytical than the personality quadrant (expressive, driver, analytical, amiable) gave me credit for being - and that only 7% of the population is green explains why i never feel understood. knowing that i am green (deep-thinking, seeking correlation) followed by a toss-up between gold (driver, task-oriented, structured) and blue (amiable, focused on relationships, passionate, artsy) shows me the reason behind my desire for a connection to a spiritual community. it also shows me my intense passion for poetry - the most condensed version of meaningful art. and for writers - the juxtaposers of correlative information. and for philosophers - the students of the universe. and for theologians - the students of the Divine.
this is why i love Jesus. and Buddha. and Ralph Waldo Emerson. and Barack Obama. and Elizabeth Gilbert. and Lauren Zuniga. 

thank the universe.

i feel so much peace right now.

Saved (Draft, from October/November 2009)

Picture a girl
raised all around by strong personalities:
the kind of people who actually enjoy debating politics and theology,
people who show their love by the effort put into teasing.
Now grow her up in a strong academic environment,
introduce her to a poet or two who know how to touch souls with their lips,
teach her that expression is a good thing,
hand her a pen,
and then ask her what she believes.
You might get an answer that sounds something like this:

"Dear fundamentalist minds that claim to be in line with the King:

Life is  a constant searching,
checking the balance between myself and my Deity.
Faith has nothing to do with theology.
It doesn't stem from what I think or whether we agree.
And faith shouldn't be rooted in systems;
Jesus told us to follow and trust, obey, believe in, and love GOD.

This is why I don't understand
when you tell me to have a relationship with GOD
and then tell me to look for Them in this Book.
You tell me GOD is constant,
but when I ask you what GOD thinks about American politics
this ancient Middle Eastern text is where you look.
If GOD is constant, then Their words can not be contained between two covers.
If the Creator, Spirit, Savior are not bound by beginning and end,
then Their words are not limited to what was written then.

I am not seeking to invalidate the Bible - disjointed, incomplete, and lost in translation though it seems.
I know I cannot get where I'm going unless I know where the others have been.
But once I read the history,
once I understand GOD's trends,
let me believe in the GOD who says "I AM,"
let me love the God who not only was back then but who is.

I believe in a Savior, but Jesus doesn't just rescue me from a hell underground with fire and scary things.
My Savior seeks to save me from all places where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
My Savior hasn't invited me to a white-washed after-life heaven that lacks diversity.
Jesus saved me for the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth filled with justice and manifested peace.
I was saved from too much structure, from too many rules and legalities.
I was saved so the Word could live in me, take on my flesh and become Poetry
flowing like water that lives and breathes from this belly full-to-bursting with what this world needs.

I believe in a Spirit who roams this earth begging people to live for the reason Christ died.
My Spirit believes that the word "crucify" loses some of it's meaning
when we forget that the cross broke our chains and set us free.
Christ died peeling off the labels of man, woman, saint, sinner, worker, and thief.
Christ's flesh was put to death so that we might become partners with Perfected Deity.
My Spirit reaches into women's souls with hands that know
more than any man's will ever be soft enough to hold.
It speaks fluently every language that exists, even the dead ones,
and creates a space where, in Christ, these dry bones can stand up and live.
The Spirit knows more than any eyes will ever see.
It looks past deviant behavior to see beauty.
It loves the abstract representations of humanity
beyond the Pharisees' ability understand why all lines are not straight,
why some spheres are queer, and why it is always more important to record what people say than to interpret what you hear.

This Savior
This Spirit
This Love!
This is GOD by whom the universe was made,
Jesus by whom the path was paved,
and the Spirit-filled life for which we were saved.

Matthew 11:12 - original poem finished

All my life, I've heard people quote the verse in the King James Bible that says,
"The Kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force."
I never really knew what that meant
or if I could even trust it
because my history books had told me
that King James wasn't all a body might've expected him to be.
Since then my spirit has come to believe
there's got to be some truth to that phrasing.

You see in the Kingdom of Heaven people are always working,
always striving toward love and peace.
And that Kingdom of Heaven exists here on earth
as long as we nurture our dreams.
But just like we are all capable of goodness and beauty,
so some of us have stopped fighting for love and peace
and have given ourselves up to harmful, hateful things.
Those of us who have sat idly by and let the darkness creep in
are causing the Kingdom of Heaven to be grieved.
We have allowed the battle we were born into
to discourage us from trying.
And our apathy has turned to anger that works itself out violently,
against ourselves, against the hurting and the dying.

Because of this, a war is waging.
Those of us who remember that we were created for victory
must take back what apathy is stealing.
Jesus loved peace
but when the Kingdom started suffering
we were given the commission to toughen up
and fight for its protection.

(Now) I don't know how you feel about this situation,
but I'm not comfortable with hurting people hurting me,
or my family, your children, or this country.
I believe we were created to prosper,
to enjoy and create beauty,
to be blessed in order that we might be a blessing.

I want back the wonder and possibility
between two people whose souls desire unity.
I'm fighting against the pain brought on by lack of respect for physical boundaries.
I'm fighting the consequences born from our seeming inability
to wait to fulfill our fantasies.
I want back purity.

I want back play time and the innocence of children's minds.
We used to play house and hide and seek.
Now we only look at violent games Nintendo and on TV.
I'm fighting for invented games and made up stories.
I'm fighting for the ability to make believe
because I think it's a forerunner for faith.

I want back language that speaks of God and nature and humanity
in words that cause wonder and praise.
I want back strength of character that refuses to be torn down by circumstance.
I want back Mama's love and G-rated romance.
I want back dads, not just father-figures,
or fathers who figure they do best to provide us with money.
I want back the proper view of male-female relationships
that got skewed when my father left me.
I want back the word "Christian"
and the truth of Christ's legacy.
I want us to remember how to behave
like we have been in God from the beginning...
because we have been.

You can call me hostile if you want to,
but I'll use every weapon in my arsenal to fight for those things.

The Kingdom of Heaven is suffering violently
because God's people refuse to walk with authority.
We lay down and cower in corners when we get hit.
We've forgotten that the Kingdom lives in us
so it lies stagnantly until we forcefully advance it.

When Jesus was born, the angels proclaimed peace -
nothing broken, nothing missing -
but as Christ's years on earth came to number thirty,
those who had forgotten their rightful place in destiny
took up arms against the King and His progeny.
It's about time we stopped pleading and whimpering
and raised up our swords of truth to fight for the reign of the Kingdom of Peace.

don't ask why - original poem

“come unto Me all who are weary and I will give you rest.
bring what hurts, bring your scars,
bring the load that you carry and I will give you rest.”

so often we write our pain.
we perform the things that would normally be too emotional for us to say.
and that’s beautiful because the stage is a safe place to loose the demons.
it’s like if we turn agony in to art,
maybe the things that break our hearts won’t have to hurt so much.
or at least the pain can be spread amongst all of us.

but why are we all so sad?
i know there’s another unjust war raging across the sea.
i know that even this far after the movements we’re still fighting for equality.
i know the economy’s caving and everybody’s money is tight.
i know there are countless things that we just can’t seem to get right.
but why?

it’s either been seven thousand or a few million years
since men were introduced to the earth.
all this and i wonder why we weren’t taught to behave first.
they say things will never get that much better.
men will always raise fists against each other.
people will always be greedy
reinforcing the fact that there will always be needy people under bridges and in third-world countries.
some will always ignore boundaries.

but why?

i am standing here before you
with more love in my heart than i could ever hope for you to see.
and i’m telling you: stop asking why and be the one
who actually does the work to make the change instead of just promising a change will come.
go back to school;
get the degree that will help you get that job that benefits the community.
pick up double shifts at the restaurant
until you can take the financial burden off of your family.
give your life willingly so that others are free to pursue their dreams.
go to law school; not because you want to
but so that there will be compassionate people working in our government buildings.
focus on the helpless and misguided rather than doing everything for yourself.
take the initiative instead of pointing blame at someone else.

michael jackson said,
“there are ways to get there if you care enough for the living.”
don’t ask why bad things happen.
the answer’s not even worth giving.
it won’t change anything.
but ask your God and ask yourself,
“what can i, one person in a broken world, do to help?”
and i promise you, the answer will come
on the wings of an angel sent to guard and protect the one committed to the solution rather than the problem.
i’m sorry to say it, dear heart,
but if all you ever write about is pain then maybe you’re not doing enough.

“in the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” – john 16:33.

what does Jesus think about politics?

this morning, i was going through my routine - check google mail, check school email, check facebook, check myspace, check blogs, browse twitter - and i came across something that confuses me.

a friend of mine posted a link to a news story from the huffington post about a resolution going through the oklahoma state house of representatives.

the resolution blames president obama for the recession - citing not just his expensive stimulus package, not citing his ideas for health care reform, but blaming it on his "cancellation" of the white house recognition of the national day of prayer and his support of "immorality" in the skin of the lgbt community. the resolution implies that the economic recession is punishment for america's lack of adherence to biblical principles. you can see the full resolution in the story and see for yourself if i've summarized it well.

the call to action at the end is to once again make morality and religion the priority of the state. for those of us who have lived here our whole lives it is hard to entertain the notion that anything other than christian evangelism is at the forefront of oklahoman thought.

but, to take this a bit farther, my question as a person who is trying to seek the LORD and do what is right in the eyes of G-D is: what would Jesus do?

does Jesus believe in separation of church and state?
does He believe in democracy in general?
does He think citizens should be able to take part in their government?
would Christ condone representation of the masses and the idea that a government be conducted by the people?
does Jesus think that members of the lgbt community have fewer rights than heterosexual americans?

how do you stand for Christ and be an active citizen at the same time? or can you?

My Father's Love

He exists only in candid photographs emblazoned on my memory
He lives somewhere beyond the sea
But to me, he’s only the image of what never could be
Daddy
Mom said he used to speak Spanish to me
Used to tell me “No” once and I’d obey
Maybe that’s why I rebelled when he went away
I realized that obedience is not what makes parents stay.

Since I had no father with whom to cuddle up
I cradled King James’s God in my arms like if I could just hold tight enough
I wouldn’t feel so exposed.
I cried rivers of tears
I thought maybe the harder and longer I wept the more likely he was to hear
From Panama.

The churches built on King James’s God
Taught me that suffering is earned
Everyone falls short of the glory and that’s how you get hurt
It’s punishment well deserved
Their correct combination of rituals and words
Taught me that life wouldn’t be so hard
If I learned to tithe under the table to the Man in charge
I learned to work the system
And I was too young then to see
That their salvation system had hoodwinked me

Well-behaved people do not create history.
In fact, there was a man who behaved so badly
He spent all of his 33 years avoiding capture by the authorities.
This man showed us how to forgive
He showed us his way and then asked us to do it better than him.

We have failed at what put Jesus a cut above
It was his boundless capacity for forgiveness and love
We’re so busy pleasing King James’s God by obeying
And providing Caesar with taxes from the store we were saving
That we no longer stop to break bread and commune
We are no longer tuned to the heartbeat of the universe

Sometimes I still miss my daddy
But when I open my mind and heart wide enough
I feel all of the love that he could have ever given me
Because it exists in the very air I breathe

9/30 - Simile for Love

I love you like flowers love sunshine
and like the desert loves heat.
I love like back massages when I'm tired too
and telling you when you have food in your teeth.

I love you like joint showers
and letting you stand under the water
while my teeth chatter against your bare chest.
I love you like that time it only last five minutes
but that short time was the best.

I love you like chocolate cake and fresh-baked bread.
I love you like half-priced ink.
And get this: I love you MORE than the color pink...

I love you like my next breath
and the sound of rain when there's nothing else to do.
I love you like twenty-one years
and all the trouble I can get into.

I love you like Jesus loved sinners,
Like Gandhi loved peace,
Like Buddha loved happiness.
I love you like the homeless love their next meal,
Like oxygen loves trees,
Like grass loves dew.
I love you more than this poem can express
and I don't even know you.

7/30 - Maybe

I have this odd way of forgetting how to follow my heart.
Once I know what she's asking for,
I quit before I really get the chance to start.
Like I'm scared of how happiness feels,
Afraid to get attached to good because bad has always been more real...
But life makes sense right now.
Pain has left its handprint
but today I think it's beautiful somehow.
On Friday I thought the world might come crashing to an end
But at this moment
I know it's all in Someone's hands.

And maybe that Someone is me.
Maybe it's faith in inner divinity.
Maybe it's the open heart the Buddha showed me how to see.
Maybe it's the knowledge of my wealth as compared to poverty.
Maybe it's the selflessness that Jesus taught me.
In fact, maybe religion is just the deification of poetry.
Maybe now that I have written it
I know I can conceptualize spirituality.
Or maybe today is just the first one in a while
where the stars are aligned for me.