Body Image and Athleticism

I started cheer leading in fourth grade (and continued in sixth, seventh, eighth, and freshman year of college). I was never a skinny kid, but I was basically a born performer, so I cheered along with acting, singing, dancing, stepping/stomping, and public speaking. (That makes me sound like some powerhouse triple-threat, but I'm not that good at any of those - except talking. Lol. I'm just an attention whore.) If you know me now or have known me for any length of time, you know that I'm a pretty thick girl. No dancer/cheerleader body here, and never has been.

I'm taking a Healthy Life Skills class (UCO's version of OCU's Wellness) and I just watched Bring It On 3, so I've got my mind on fitness.

Do you see these tiny tummies and cute body jewelry?


I'm on the back row in pre-clap mode. Lol.


Last spring I went through this phase where I wanted to lose 50 pounds by January. It started really really good. I worked out everyday (and didn't hate my life), had a good diet going (and allowed myself some indulgences every couple of weeks), and saw results quickly. I lost 15 in about 3 weeks (which they say isn't healthy, but I think it was fine because I had COMPLETELY changed my life).

...Then I moved off-campus and the gym was no longer a two-minute walk from my apartment. Everyday became every couple of days. Then I totaled another car and the gym happened like once a week. I started eating my depression and sleeping all day everyday. So I gained back that 15 pounds and probably a few more.

My original plan when I transferred schools was to make UCO's Wellness Center my 2nd home. But it's been four and a half weeks and I haven't hit the gym once. (I did take four yoga classes and immediately started toning up, which tells me that my body really wants to be active.) We took a tour of the Wellness Center in Healthy Life Skills class today and I was struck by how lazy I've been. I saw my friend Gina in there and remembered how much motivation I used to have and how "simple" it was to get on the right track.

Is there any excuse for being overweight when I have a free membership to a huge facility paid in full with my tuition?

The second problem is time. I have two jobs, and a few volunteer things that I do on the side of work and school. I'm always behind on homework. I never read my Bible or wake up early to go to prayer. And I sleep basically every time I sit for very long. I feel like there are never enough hours to do half of what I want, much less all of it.

Should I continue to put off working out and weight loss until I get my spiritual life and my academic endeavors underway? Or should I force myself to learn diligence by continuing to pile things on (like adding workouts into an already semi-cramped schedule)?

The third problem is vanity. It's one of my vices. It's probably my biggest problem after giving into loneliness and lacking diligence. Is the quest for health - working out, eating differently, etc - really about health, or do I just want to be smaller because I'm vain?

I need some guidance over here.

Soon to come: "Welcome to the P.I.T." - here's a teaser.

the best laid plans of mice and men...

LORD You are good and Your mercy endures forever. i come before You humbly asking that You insert Your will into the making of these plans and then grant me the grace and the courage to follow through with them.

to lose the weight:

the good news here, is that i've already lost 12 pounds. what's cooler than 12 pounds are the articles of clothing i don't wear anymore because they are too big! unfortunately there's are still several items that are too small. the goal is 12-15 more pounds by my birthday (august 1), 5-10 more pounds by the time school starts (august 24) and another 20 pounds by christmas. that makes 50-65 pounds total.

the tactic:
1. walking>jogging>running daily or at least 4 times a week and lifting weights or using other toning exercises 5 times a week
2. drinking more water and less pop, eating less dessert, and planning and counting down to indulgence days.

my new style:

simply beautiful is what i'm calling it. i'm taking tim gunn's ideas and adding them to my career plans and personality. i need staples: nice solid black, white, pink, and blue tops; nice solid tank tops for layering; 2 or 3 pairs of good jeans; functional but classy pants in muted tones; solid colored dresses; vests, jackets and sweaters galore. if you're bored with these ideas, the plan is to take full advantage of this lovely new discount jewelry store in the okc metro and buy all kinds of loud, crazy, fun jewelry and accessories, including scarves and hats.

we're not even going to touch shoes. shoes are an entirely different beast. i haven't decided which avenue my shoes will take.

i'm also going to have a consulting done about my hair. the goal is to wear dredlocks. the lady i've talked to who has locks and knows how to do them says she waited a year to lock up her hair because she didn't want to start off too short. well, i'm not afraid of short - i rocked the rihanna for several months. so in a couple of weeks i'm going to make and appointment to see her and figure out if it's possible to lock my hair at the length it is. if she says it's possible, i'll probably take the plunge around my birthday.

the biggest thing about the simply beautiful transformation is that the hair is all i can start on now. i will not buy jeans or tops until i'm closer to my weight loss goal. it's my incentive as well as a money-saving tool.

and i'm all about throwing in a couple or three new tattoos! lol.

the house - cleaning:

i clean my bedroom all the time, which is wonderful progress from where i was. now i need to learn to clean the kitchen. that will just take a pair of rubber gloves and bravery. if i really want to be good, i could clean the garage, but i'm making no promises there. and then there's a spare room that could use some sprucing.

tactics:
1. i need to really get rid of all the bags of things leftover from the move. it's not sexy to have bags everywhere. plus i still don't know where a lot of stuff is.
2. the issue there has been that i moved from a HUGE bathroom to really a half-bath so i have a lot of stuff. i could get one of those fun door hangers that were made for dorms.

i have turned our spare room into a work/art space. it's tiny, but its functional. it needs some work though.
1. i need to bring my desk out of storage and into the room.
2. i need to gather and store all of the unused bedding in our rented facility.
3. stack and label my art boxes
4. keep my office things contained
i'm highly motivated by the show "clean house." thanks, trish suhr.

the house - living:

1. i need to make routines for cleaning and re-organizing
2. i need to hang my art on the walls in the spare room
3. i need to print some pictures off of my computer
4. i need to have real projects, not just boxes of supplies
5. i need an ipod dock that charges and has good speakers

one more thing...i need a job!

The Reinvention

My friend Mannie has a poem called "The Reinvention." I will admit that I am likely bastardizing the idea of the poem by using it for my own personal gain, but...oh well. Ideas are for sharing, not for hoarding.

I intend for this to be the summer of my personal reinvention. I've been doing all kinds of subtle changing over the past three years. This year, there have been some significant events that have sped up those changes. In fact, I would say that my life has changed so much so fast that it left my spirit and a bit of my essence in the dirt. So I'm trying to play some catch up and get a head start on forever...since this is my last summer as an unofficial grown-up.

Here are the elements of the reinvention:

1. I am committed to losing 30 pounds.
Progress to this point: 6 pounds.
Other notes: I want to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year.

2. I want to find a spiritual system that works.
Progress to this point: I think I'm started on the right track. The synergy of Christianity (the belief) and Buddhism (the understanding) - see previous blog post. All I really need now is the way. "All the effort must be made by you, Buddha only shows the way." - the Dhammapada
Other notes: It be really awesome to get some feedback and support on this. I am surrounded on all sides by fundamentalist Christians who think I'm going to hell. Ugh.

3. My best friend, Jessica, and I decided that my emotional scars will begin to fade once I come to the realization that I can regain control of my life. This will come from the accomplishment of these goals and from saving money.
Progress to this point: 6 pounds and a job.
Other notes: This is mostly an emotional thing. I want "the serenity of a mind at ease with itself" (Pride and Prejudice).

4. I want to compete in a couple of poetry slams.
Progress to this point: Three poems that are written for the stage and a friend who is pushing me.
Other notes: This is something I've been struggling with for a year now.

5. I want to save my own money to buy a few things by the end of the summer.
Progress to this point: I have one job and have put in a few applications for a second.
Other notes: I got into a bad habit of spending my student loan money on everything I wanted rather than saving up other money to do stuff with.

I am excited about the prospects.
We'll see where I end up.