Independent (written June 6, 2008)

Some women call themselves strong
because they don’t need a man.
I’ll know that I’m truly in command
when I don’t even want one.
I already said I don’t want to fall in love,
but I guess the truth of it is –
lust is just as dangerous.

I want to lay awake at night
with thoughts of me make me too wired to sleep.
I want to dream of red carpets,
of front page spreads,
not the spread of my legs.
I want to drink in the fragrance of my own soul and become high.
I want to envelope myself
in the blanket of my heart and sigh.

Tomorrow I’m going to look myself in the mirror and say,
“We got us, baby, and that’s the only way
to protect this gift that’s been placed on me,
to sleep sound enough to be able to see the dream.”

Don’t misunderstand.
I’m not rejecting love.
This heart is big enough
to house a whole nation
full of ass-backward Americans
who are so quick to forget that the power will be taken
away from a servant the Master doesn’t trust.

I love men with a strength I can’t name,
with the fire that rushed forth from his gut when he came.
I love their bull-headed, arrogant,
how-am-I-ever-going-to-live-with-this ways.

And I love children
because they hold tomorrow in their fragile hands.
They must eat and thrive off of what we leave of this land.
And they don’t even understand
the vastness of the Void trying to reach in and apprehend.

I love other women in a way that makes me cry
when our resilience is being broken by lies,
when we make up excuses in our mind
while he creeps his way in between our thighs,
when we give up before we’ve even tried.

And this love of which I speak
is why I must reach
only inside of me
to find the strength to bring the women peace,
to bring forth the knowledge to teach to the children,
and to see the pain,
not the desire that hides it,
when a man is looking at me.
I have to need and want only me
if I’m going to succeed in setting us all free.

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I really feel like this is the truest thing I've ever written about myself. Perhaps if I dive deeper into this, I'll figure everything else out.

15/30 - I Want To Kiss The World

Give me strength
I can already see the change I want to make
I know the steps I need to take
I'm doing it for the future's sake

Give me love
I'll need motivation to go beyond and above
It'll push me forward when competition's not enough
I'll hold me together when the times are too tough

Give me peace
when change is slow and things are futile as they seem
I'll need it when I lack the strength to swim upstream
May it be the image in my head when I can't stand what I see

Give me drive
That's what will keep me fighting for our lives
It's how I'll know that I'm among the strong who will survive
It'll keep me focused on my reason to be alive

Help me endure
I want to live for a cause that's right and pure
I want to continue forward when my mind just isn't sure
I want to kiss the world where no one's touched before

So show me how
I'm feeling ready; you can start the process now
Let the winds rage so I'll learn to stand and never bow
Show me the heights so I look to them and keep from falling down

Remind me why
Tattoo the dream to the backs of my eyes
Place a burden on my heart that makes me ache inside
And until the job is done, don't let me run or hide

MAKE ME GO
I'll need to watch you run when my feet are feeling slow
Don't let me bow out because of things I don't yet know
Promise me that my sacrifice will help them grow

Give me
Strength like rivers rushing
Love like a god dying
Peace like the wind shushing
Drive like warriors vying
Endurance like an athlete
Strategy like the end of days
Purpose until all's complete and
Force that can't be swayed
until I kiss the world.