tidbits

i must balance a thing/person's flaws with it's redeeming qualities.
disney never made me feel bad about myself. i can love disney movies and hate cookie-cutter images at the same time. i can see the stereotypes and the plot problems and love the music and the morals.
a story is still good even if i don't approve of the ending.

i looove country music.
perhaps it's because i live in oklahoma and my family is from texas, but i most appreciate songs about the real life stuff that people try to ignore. "it's a quarter after one, i'm a little drunk, and i need you now." classic.

i think facebook and twitter are the best things to be invented since personal computers.
via facebook, i can get glimpses into the lives of people i have "grown out with" (yes, grown out, not grown up. to "grow up with" is to experience life with while growing. it's a time and proximity thing. to "grow out of" or "outgrow" is to leave something behind. it has a connotation of being better or smarter or more evolved than the thing that was outgrown. to "grow out with" someone is to grow apart from them, as in not in the same proximity, but not in a way that is removed as if you are leaving them behind). several of the people i used to know are wonderful people whose lives make perfect sense for them. we cannot be close because our lives are so different. but we are not far away because i think i'm better. our paths no longer cross, but i still think they're wonderful. via twitter, i can let out all of my random thoughts and comments and they can be taken or left off at will. no pressure.

i want to write a movie script.
my world is too aesthetically beautiful to exist completely in the written word. it's also too complicated to be a song or poem. a photo collage is too extensive. plus the writing would be good exercise. i'm a story-teller struggling to find a medium.

Things I'm Looking Into

Reading more: The Autobiography of Malcolm X, something about Marcus Garvey, maybe Roots, and some fun stuff too.

Lupe Fiasco's Lasers thing. It looks like it wants to be a movement, but for now it's just Twitter and Lupe's music leaks. I want to move it.

Hip hop: Lupe, dead prez, Talib Kweli, Public Enemy, NWA, T.I.

Doing MY OWN thing. I want Jari Askins to be Governor, but I need to stop trying to intern in her office, because the movement of my people is bigger that her campaign office. I want to volunteer for her campaign, but I don't want to be responsible to them.

Go natural again?
My friend Vineasa chopped off all of her hair, and she is beautiful. Maybe when I lose 30 pounds.
I've been saying that for a while, but I am going to the gym right now, so it might happen this time.

Forward movement.
Check this out: www.blackamanian.blogspot.com

Conversations I've Been Having

Me: I've discovered what I'm missing in my life.
Frank: What?
Me: Here at OCU, we are all so damned busy trying to be the best at everything, trying to save the world, that we neglect the small things, like poems and artwork and laying by the pool having long conversations and cuddling and dancing. Life is not a meeting. And meetings don't change the world. But quality time can. Insightful conversations can. Y'know?
Frank: Yeah, I get it.


To Justin on Tuesday around 7 p.m.: I think there's a lot that comes the more life you live.
(i.e. age is more than a number. Damn it.)

Me on Monday around 9 a.m.: Today is the last Monday of junior year. That's crazy. I'm about to go to breakfast with my friend and then wash my sheets.
Clarence: You're growing up so fast!
Me: I know right. Getting through school, wrecking cars, having sex, washing sheets...I've come so far and yet I've got so far to go.
Clarence: Sounds like you're just livin' life to me.
Me: I am. It's a party. Gettin' tipsy, dancing, having meetings that are way too long. It's just life. Mi bella vida ("My beautiful life" in Spanish).

"This is my beautiful life.
The only thing certain is everything changes.
The lows and the highs and all those goodbyes:
As hard as it gets I know it's still amazing to be alive.
It's a beautiful life.

It hurts while it's happening.
I wanna feel everything.
How can you know 'til you try?"

"Mi Bella Vita" by Lindsay Lohan