Making Moves

From the Youth Speaks FAQ page: 

"I want to start a Youth Speaks chapter. What do I do? At this point, we do not have any plans to start a Youth Speaks chapter, but are happy to support your programs participation in Brave New Voices, where we do organizational development trainings. At BNV, you will meet other people from around the country doing the work, and will pick up all kinds of pointers. To learn how to start a

Looks like the only way to do this is to do it locally.

So far, all I really know is that there is not a Youth Speaks team in Oklahoma or Kansas (i.e. I have to travel for my resources). I also know that a majority of the team members from Philadelphia at BNV 2008 go to UPenn and they have a program at their college that fosters spoken word.  From what I've seen, it looks like a lot of places where there is a Youth Speaks Team there is a more local organization of the purpose. Like what I want H.E.A.R. Inc. to be.

It looks like the places that are closest to me that I could look into are Denver, Austin, Amarillo, and St. Louis. Here's a good resource: http://www.txywc.org/. And I'm looking into more. I emailed a girl at UPenn about their thing they have going there. I'm gonna talk to the sponsors of the language clubs at UCO about what they want their organizations to be involved in. I'm gonna put out some more feelers.  

I love it when things feel like they're moving.

Just a Beautiful Old Soul

Country girls sing about the emotions we try to avoid.

Carrie Underwood, "We're Young and Beautiful":

"While we're young and beautiful kiss me like you mean it. Treat me like I'm special. Cover me with sweetness. 'Cause a time will come when we're not so young and beautiful. While we're young and beautiful living free and easy, here without a worry, dancing in our bare feet. 'Cause when the summer's done we might not be so young and beautiful. While we're young and beautiful we'll party down on Main Street, wearing next to nothing, feeling every heart beat, having fun, while we're still young and beautiful. It's a crazy ride and baby, you and I are keeping our sweet love alive tonight while we're young and beautiful."

I have just come to the realization that I have never really kissed a boy like I meant it. I've never been treated special or covered with sweetness. I have lived free and easy, but I've never danced in my bare feet. I have done some of this type of living, but never for a whole summer, and never with someone who was willing to do it with me. I have never kept sweet love alive.

And now it's the summer before my twenty-first birthday and I know what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. When the summer is done I will no longer be young. Hopefully I'll still be beautiful, I won't be able to live free and easy. I'll be a woman on a mission, not a girl who is waiting for life to catch up with her.

This song is also by Carrie Underwood, "Lessons Learned":

"There's some things that I regret, some words I wish had gone unsaid, some starts that had some bitter endings. Been some bad times I've been through, damage I cannot undo. Some things I wish I could do all all over again. But it don't really matter. Life gets that much harder. It makes you that much stronger. Some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned.

"And every tear that had to fall from my eyes. Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night. Every change life has thrown me. I'm thankful for every break in my heart. I'm grateful for every scar. Some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned.

"There's mistakes that I have made, some chances I just threw away, some roads I never should've taken. Been some signs I didn't see, hearts that I hurt needlessly, some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend. But it don't make no difference. The past can't be rewritten. You get the life you're given. Some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned.

"And all the things that break you are all the things that make you strong. You can't change the past 'cause it's gone. And you just gotta move on because it's all lessons learned."

She said, "You get the life you're given." I wasn't given time to be young and beautiful. I'm just a beautiful old soul. This is probably what makes me a good writer, but it's also why I've always been single. I am thankful for who and what I am, but there are days, times, when I mourn for what I'm not. I shouldn't be upset by it, but I often am.

I Will Never Be a Competing Slam Poet

On April 28, I wrote a blog titled “I Will Never Be a Slam Poet.”

Here was some of the “rationale” behind that argument.

“I ‘bleed’ too much, feel too much, think too much.”

Last night I was watching Brave New Voices, and it solidified for me what I should have never forgotten. It’s not that I bleed too much, I was just doing it the wrong way. That’s what expression consists of: thoughts, feelings, and blood.

Then, I said, “I used to want to be a slam poet more than anything in the world, but I can't. I was meant to be different. Meant to write, not to perform. Meant to speak, not to recite. Meant to teach, not to compete.”

I said, “I am not saying that slam is shallow (although I know some think it is). Yes, it is a game...but I believe that games and competitions show people's character.“

In response to what I wrote, my friend Lauren Zuniga said, “Slam is just something we do. A game we play so that the Ego can have a good time and give the Spirit permission to write.”

Brave New Voices changed my opinion of all that. Team Philadelphia consisted of Hasan Malik Babb, Josh Bennett, Aysha El Shamayleh, Noel Scales, Chloe Wayne, and Alysia Harris. On the season finale during the final round of the grand slam, the whole team went onstage holding hands and crying. They told the audience that they had not been behaving like a team over the course of the competition. They said the scores and the desire to win had distracted them. Because of this, they made the decision to forfeit the final round as a team. All six of them together chose to say it’s not about the competition but about the poetry, about the difference that words can make. And to top it off, they still performed. They blessed us with their words and refused to be scored. In my opinion, if they hadn’t forfeited, they would have won. I think perhaps they knew that and felt they didn’t deserve to win if the win would mean more than the words. Damn.

Slam is just a game. Prior to watching this episode of this show, I wasn’t sure if there was a right way to play it. But those six kids put the entity of slam poetry to shame. They showed me and the world that the warrior generation really is fighting for something more than titles and recognition.

When the grand slam was over and the rest of the qualifying teams had been scored, they were all brought on stage to announce the winners from low to high. When the announcements were made, the teams were asked to stand in ranked order by their teammates. They all refused. They said they wouldn’t split up that way because they were all one team and it was all one prize. They started shouting, “One Team! One Team! One Team!” And the show’s host threw up his hands, went offstage, sat down and let them do their thing. Their voices were heard. The show ended with all the teams on stage intermingled, hugging each other, congratulating each other, chanting, “BNV ain’t nothin’ to fuck with!” That’s the truth if I’ve ever heard it.

Here are some of the things I texted to Kosher when I was watching this on TV.

“Now, I want to master slam, not to ever win any kind of title but so that I can teach kids how to save their own lives through words and performance.”

“They are so beautiful. That is why I want to teach so that I can help bring that out in them.”
“Those kids have already learned to self-actualize in a way that makes sure nothing can ever be too hard for them.”

The only time I ever cry like I did while I was watching that show is when something intense happens in church. That’s how I know this is holy. Somebody is going to watch that and get saved. Now I know where else to point when the church house isn’t helping.

Those kids have given me direction and desire. They lit a fire in my soul that I thought would never burn outside the four walls of an evangelical church (this thought turned into three poems, especially the one titled “Wise Words”). But now I know: Holy are the beautiful things, peace, humanity, sincerity. And they are holy no matter where they are seen.

Here are some of Kosher’s comments during our conversation.

“You can do it, if you’re ready for holding their bleeding wounds.”
My prayer over the next year is to become ready – through inspiration and meditation on the goal.

“If I would die today, I would be glad knowing that the world will be in good hands. I thank G-D for them.” - Kosher
I agree.
I cried harder when I read this statement, because the competitor in me, the attention whore in me, doesn’t want to die without leaving a mark. That part of me doesn’t want to die today, because then those kids would get all the credit for their bravery and conviction and I would have no legacy to leave. I cried because I knew my feelings were selfish. It doesn’t matter who evokes the change as long as it happens. Fuck my competitive drive. Blessed are the brave hearts for they will be remembered. Humbled are the timid hearts for they will always strive to be remembered.

“It is possible to be saved by the blood of Jesus, but only if Jesus wept from hearing them. They are the living gospel.” - Kosher
That needs to be a line in a poem.

Today, I opened a vein, mixed blood with ink, and it poured out looking like poetry.

I Will Never Be a COMPETING Slam Poet

On April 28, I wrote a blog titled “I Will Never Be a Slam Poet.”

Here was some of the “rationale” behind that argument.

“I ‘bleed’ too much, feel too much, think too much.”

Last night I was watching Brave New Voices, and it solidified for me what I should have never forgotten. It’s not that I bleed too much, I was just doing it the wrong way. That’s what expression consists of: thoughts, feelings, and blood.

Then, I said, “I used to want to be a slam poet more than anything in the world, but I can't. I was meant to be different. Meant to write, not to perform. Meant to speak, not to recite. Meant to teach, not to compete.”

I said, “I am not saying that slam is shallow (although I know some think it is). Yes, it is a game...but I believe that games and competitions show people's character.“

In response to what I wrote, my friend Lauren Zuniga said, “Slam is just something we do. A game we play so that the Ego can have a good time and give the Spirit permission to write.”

Brave New Voices changed my opinion of all that. Team Philadelphia consisted of Hasan Malik Babb, Josh Bennett, Aysha El Shamayleh, Noel Scales, Chloe Wayne, and Alysia Harris. On the season finale during the final round of the grand slam, the whole team went onstage holding hands and crying. They told the audience that they had not been behaving like a team over the course of the competition. They said the scores and the desire to win had distracted them. Because of this, they made the decision to forfeit the final round as a team. All six of them together chose to say it’s not about the competition but about the poetry, about the difference that words can make. And to top it off, they still performed. They blessed us with their words and refused to be scored. In my opinion, if they hadn’t forfeited, they would have won. I think perhaps they knew that and felt they didn’t deserve to win if the win would mean more than the words. Damn.

Slam is just a game. Prior to watching this episode of this show, I wasn’t sure if there was a right way to play it. But those six kids put the entity of slam poetry to shame. They showed me and the world that the warrior generation really is fighting for something more than titles and recognition.

When the grand slam was over and the rest of the qualifying teams had been scored, they were all brought on stage to announce the winners from low to high. When the announcements were made, the teams were asked to stand in ranked order by their teammates. They all refused. They said they wouldn’t split up that way because they were all one team and it was all one prize. They started shouting, “One Team! One Team! One Team!” And the show’s host threw up his hands, went offstage, sat down and let them do their thing. Their voices were heard. The show ended with all the teams on stage intermingled, hugging each other, congratulating each other, chanting, “BNV ain’t nothin’ to fuck with!” That’s the truth if I’ve ever heard it.

Here are some of the things I texted to Kosher when I was watching this on TV.

“Now, I want to master slam, not to ever win any kind of title but so that I can teach kids how to save their own lives through words and performance.”

“They are so beautiful. That is why I want to teach so that I can help bring that out in them.”
“Those kids have already learned to self-actualize in a way that makes sure nothing can ever be too hard for them.”

The only time I ever cry like I did while I was watching that show is when something intense happens in church. That’s how I know this is holy. Somebody is going to watch that and get saved. Now I know where else to point when the church house isn’t helping.

Those kids have given me direction and desire. They lit a fire in my soul that I thought would never burn outside the four walls of an evangelical church (this thought turned into three poems, especially the one titled “Wise Words”). But now I know: Holy are the beautiful things, peace, humanity, sincerity. And they are holy no matter where they are seen.

Here are some of Kosher’s comments during our conversation.

“You can do it, if you’re ready for holding their bleeding wounds.”
My prayer over the next year is to become ready – through inspiration and meditation on the goal.

“If I would die today, I would be glad knowing that the world will be in good hands. I thank G-D for them.” - Kosher
I agree.
I cried harder when I read this statement, because the competitor in me, the attention whore in me, doesn’t want to die without leaving a mark. That part of me doesn’t want to die today, because then those kids would get all the credit for their bravery and conviction and I would have no legacy to leave. I cried because I knew my feelings were selfish. It doesn’t matter who evokes the change as long as it happens. Fuck my competitive drive. Blessed are the brave hearts for they will be remembered. Humbled are the timid hearts for they will always strive to be remembered.

“It is possible to be saved by the blood of Jesus, but only if Jesus wept from hearing them. They are the living gospel.” - Kosher
That needs to be a line in a poem.

Today, I opened a vein, mixed blood with ink, and it poured out looking like poetry.

8/30 - Work Hard, Play Hard

I've heard it said, "youth is wasted on the young."
Well I'm determined to make some change for the world while I get me some.
I won't wait 'til I'm old to do what I want to.
And I won't work so hard that I reject the impromptu.

Every hour spent working is an hour's work done.
But every hour spent playing is countless memories and reruns.

Remember the time you were so drunk you walked around the corner topless in a city where you'd never been?

Oh my gosh. I'd forgotten all about that.
Remember that car ride to Cancun when we stopped at that restaurant and got free dinners from those creepy old men?

Yes! They were so gross.
Hey, remember that weekend we spent at the shelter with those kids?

Yeah, remember how grateful that disabled girl was when we told her she could be our best friend.

See, I want to let the good times roll and look back on the memories and laugh.
But I want to do what's good for my soul and build a legacy that will last.

I'm not giving up my indiscretions
Or working my life away
But the fun I have at night will be tempered by good work in the day.
I'll never ignore the hurting people
Or take more than my fair share.
I'll sacrifice for what I believe in
And I'll push every limit I have.