Living Lent in Lotus - the update

Based on the feedback I got from my friends on Facebook (where are all of my friends on Blogger?), I am officially giving up text-messaging for Lent, WITH this disclaimer:**Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday is 47 days. If you want to argue that Lent only goes to Good Friday, it's still 44 days. Lent is supposed to be a 40-day sacrifice, therefore I will be catching up on each week's text messages on Sundays (but not this Sunday because I started late).
I have already moved the messages icon to the second page of my iPhone. I have turned off the notifications, and I am letting everyone know now - if you really want to get in touch with me between now and Easter, texting is not the way. Don't think I don't like you anymore if I don't return your text. Also, don't be surprised if I call you (shocking!) in response to your text (I will likely be reading them at the end of each day to make sure no one wanted anything important).

"This is where the men get separated from the boys..."
I have a favor to ask:
CAVEAT: I am not trying to impose my sacrifice on you. I just want everything to be the best it can be.
Favor: Please don't let this mean that I don't talk to you for 6 weeks. I think that would just be silly. I understand that this is the information age. I understand that we all keep our friends and our news and our social networks in our hip pockets, but can we - especially those of us who I know are intelligent and good-hearted - just try it? Can we just see what happens if we actually pick up the phone just to say hi? Or write a good personal email about an interesting idea that happened upon us in class? Can we take this risk, together, as friends? And if we come out on Easter Sunday feeling like our whole world has crashed and we feel so far away from each other...then we'll make the necessary changes to mend what we feel like we broke. Deal?

"Its a lonely road to travel, and a heavy load to bear. It's a long long way to heaven, but I gotta get there." - Send Me An Angel
I am not dillusional. I don't think this will be easy. I know of one particular circumstance in which it will be very hard...but nothing worth doing is ever easy. That situation is one that is screaming at me to be patient with it, so I'm trying.
I am not giving up texting because it's bad or evil or whatever. I am not trying to disassociate myself from people. But there's got to be something at least vaguely amiss if I wake up in the morning and the very first thing I do is pick up my iPhone. This being said, I'm trying to learn to keep my iPhone in my purse or in the other room or somewhere that isn't on my person. One of the biggest Buddhist principles is non-attachment to elements of form (the physical, the temporal, the fleeting). So I'm seeking to cultivate some emotional distance between myself and my technology.

"May you be filled with loving kindness.

May you be well.

May you be peaceful and at ease.

May you be happy."

-Gattuso's prayer

"...and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:7

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February 16, perfect '10 - Tuesday
Well, I've picked up my teraphim again (The Lotus Still Blooms by Joan Gattuso). I don't know what to tell the Christian influences in my life other than this: allI know is what I feel and as soon as I start reading about Buddhist balance and the Middle Way, as soon as I hold the japa mala beads in my hand, as soon as I just sit in lotus contemplating mantras I feel so much better. The highest form of comfort to me is sitting in lotus holding mala beads praying in tongues. I bet that's blasphemy (according to the by-the-Bookers) backwards and forwards but it helps.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, i.e. the beginning of Lent. I don't remember at which point in my life I decided Lent was something I should observe, but I'm sure I was at least 15 or 16. Lent is supposed to be spiritual preparation time for the modern-calendar-version of the anniversary of Christ's death and resurrection. It seems logical that I wouldn't be too worried about Lent if I'm not currently practicing what I'll term "traditional Biblical Christianity." But I read something in The Lotus last night about taking refuge in Christ's resurrection (yes, the Buddhist Unity minister said something about Christ's resurrection), implying a belief in Christ's sacrifice and the supernaturality of Christ's myth. She lined the Buddha and Christ right up next to each other as wheel-turners of universal understanding and then said we too can achieve that level of enlightenment.
"All the effort must be made by you. Buddha only shows the way." - the Dhammapada
"I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works..." - John 14:12

So if I have already tried and I know that the intersection of Spirit-filled and Spirit-led Christ-centeredness and meditation on and striving toward Buddhist balance is where I find my comfort, and Gattuso confirms that the two standards are in alignment, then it seems a proper thing to take the time of Lent to further cultivate the balance in my life.
So I will be observing Lent.
But from what shall I obstain?

A couple of years ago my friend gave up Facebook for Lent. I thought she was super-brave and wayy more diligent than I. I hear a lot of people giving up coffee or pop or chocolate. The aforementioned friend once gave up the elevator (and took the stairs everywhere). All of those things are nice, but I feel like if I give up something like that, I will be focusing on form (the physical, the temporal) and that is not the point.
"The only sacrifice is to give up that which has no reality." - the Dhammapada
I thought of giving up text messages. That would be the hardest thing I've ever done, which gives it the allure of spiritual importance, denying self in search of the Divine. But, I don't know if that's a good decision, considering that almost all of my relationships are long-distance. If I give up text messaging I severely limit my ability to be connected to those I love. I could call. I could email and FB message. I could write old-fashioned letters. But, in this modern society is there room for such an abrupt change? I would have to actually wait until I'm out of class to call people to say "let's do lunch." It sounds like a 40-day-long game of phone tag.
There is also the idea of taking Sundays off of the "fast." Play phone tag during the week and catch up on texts on Sundays?
It sounds plausible, hard, important, beautiful...
The proposal is this: no text messages from midnight Sunday/Monday to midnight Saturday/Sunday until April 4 and I would take the time that I don't spend texting (which if you're close to me, you know is a LOT of time) to read, meditate, pray...
What do you think?


A minister should be "a purveyor of transcendence in a world that is starving for the sacramental"- Dr. Robin Meyers


"Chaos mixed with passion is like keys opening doors to your desires. The more freely you behave, the more free you will become..." - Chaos Theory

Placing Myself - in the Intersection or dying by the Roadside

Bear with me, this post might be tedious.

Yesterday I wrote the beginnings of a whiny poem in my other blog after talking to Jen and thinking I was ready to man-up and finish this semester. Today I journaled about how angsty I'm feeling. I talked myself out of quitting school by remembering that I don't want to work retail forever. It's okay in your early twenties, but after that it doesn't make sense. I need to at least graduate by 23 (that gives me an extra year to mess with).

I started following a fellow young poet's new blog and remembered the days when my blog used to be happy and insightful, or at least insightful. So I went back and looked at old posts of mine.

The most recent insightful post was October 29th. I wrote about living in the "I am" rather than the "will be." And I found a way to be comfortable with who I am. I tried that approach last night and it did not work. I absolutely hate who I am, because who I am has no intrinsic value. I am just a shell waiting to give birth to what will be.
October 11th was both insightful and optimistic. I had an idea of what I wanted and how to get there. Sadly, that "how" burnt itself out as the time passed.
September 25th was a good one. But the thing that makes it different and maybe vaguely irrelevant is that I used a principle found in a book that my friend Kendal thinks I should throw out. If you've read very much of my stuff, you've seen me reference this book time and time again: The Lotus Still Blooms by Joan Gattuso. In that post, I quoted her: "What you focus on expands," and said that I was smiling a lot because I focused on grace and possibility. I would argue that the book helped me keep a good outlook.
September 16th had a lot of ideas and plans. I was still optimistic then.
But I think the fact that I have forgotten, or rather completely rejected, what I wrote on September 9th is the reason I stay so upset. In that post, I quoted Rainer Maria Rilke who I internet-researched after reading a couple of chapters in The Lotus Still Blooms. "Try to love the questions themselves, Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them." (Rilke) And then I said,"success is a process, not a product and life is a journey, not a destination." I realized, "My spirit is getting stronger - probably because I am becoming more sensitive to it. Yoga does that. I am in pursuit of Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration. I am in pursuit of the balance between belief (in Christian principles) and understanding (of the innerworkings of the Universe)." Now I'm sure that I have more than one Christian friend, my pastor included, who thinks it's imprudent to let my spirit rest in a text (Lotus) that calls itself the intersection between Buddhism and Christianity, but all I can say is that when I was practicing like a person who lives in that intersection, I was happy and now that I'm trying to be a complete, 100%, no-holds-barred, no teraphim-listening (Zechariah 10:2 in the King James Version) Christian I am back to thoughts of wanting to quit.

The inflexibility of Christianity makes me want to give up. Last night I cried hysterically and told GOD I couldn't do it anymore. Today, I have managed not to cry but I still want to to quit.
To be fair, I was warned about this. Pastor said there would be a time when I wouldn't want to push anymore (using the birth metaphor), but if I stopped that something would die or at least be permanently damaged. The only thing I have right now is a fear of damaging the dream that GOD gave me to give birth to. I want/need that dream to become reality, but I don't know how to make it through the process without referencing The Lotus.

"What the Buddhists teach is a soul science. 'Buddhism promotes understanding, not belief. Christianity promotes belief, not understanding'" (Robert Thurman).  
"'All the effort must be made by you; Buddha only shows the way'" (The Dhammapada)
"Right effort is knowing that the only sacrifice is to give up that which has no reality."
"We all need to engage techniques and formulas that appeal to reason and lead to higher states of awareness."
"For this material to have any true meaning, it must be embraced intellectually, because it is reasonable, psychologically sound, and it just makes sense."

The Five Aggregate Exercises

The Four Immeasurables

The Eight-fold Path

Oh my gosh...Just typing out those things that I've read several times before makes me feel better. The idea of giving up that which has no reality sets lightly on my spirit. It makes sense.

The problem is that Pastor says, and Kendal agrees, that things like that book are teraphim.
Zechariah 10: 2 "For the teraphim have spoken vanity, and the diviners have seen a lie; and they have told false dreams, they comfort in vain: therefore they go their way like sheep, they are afflicted, because there is no shepherd."
Pastor explained teraphim to be evil beings dressed up as angels of light. Idols that take the place of GOD, ideas and thought patterns that subtly counteract the truth.
In the first part of that verse, the instances where I struck words out, the teraphim are obviously the bad guys. The second part, that I underlined and italicized, depicts people being led astray by the teraphim, afflicted because there is no shepherd.

So my confusion/irritation/uncertainty lies in the fact that I take comfort in something, The Lotus Still Blooms, other than Bible. It is sometimes contrary to the Bible and sometimes it quotes the Bible and makes what seem to be perfectly acceptable parallels. My book fits Pastor's description of teraphim and yet I find the following of this particular teraphim easier, better, more constructive than the angst I feel without it.

This is a pretty weighty discussion. I understand if you opt out, but if I tag you on Facebook, please know that it is because I want your scholarly, or faithful, opinion, not because I'm trying to bring you around to my way of thinking.

Synergy

"The lotus symbolizes the gorgeous flower that rises out of the mud of this world. It is a symbol of purity and spontaneous Divine birth." - Joan Gattuso

"Buddhism promotes understanding, not belief. Christianity promotes belief, not understanding." - Dr. Robert Thurman

"Buddhism, I believe, can work in concert with Christianity to create an ever-growing spiritual synergy." - Joan Gattuso

This is what I am aiming for.

I'm going back to Christian church tomorrow morning. Let's see what happens.

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Quotes from Joan Gattuso's The Lotus Still Blooms

"With the very highest expression of Right View we relinquish our judgments, good or ill, about everything."

"We must learn to always remain calm at our depths."

"With every utterance, a vibration is sent forth...These vibrations, negative or positive, do not dissipate quickly."

Right Action is "being certain that our every action is in accord with our inner essence. It is consistency of being - as within, so without."

"What we focus on expands."

"The only sacrifice is to give up what has no reality."

Religion - I'm just confused

I'm reading up on Buddhism.

Random, I know, but I've been really attracted to the Eastern religious practices because Christianity is so common place to me right now that there seems to be nothing I haven't tried and nothing I haven't considered. I know I'm not being "fair" to Christianity, but I trust that "God" will lead me to the right place through my studies. One of the best things I've read in this book The Lotus Still Blooms is "there is a point where all teachings converge and the common thread of truth can be seen." I see all the time where Buddhism and Christianity correlate. I'm sure I'll continue to see those points.

All of this started a little more than a year ago when I started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's about how Liz spends one year traveling and searching and finding herself and other things. She spends four months in Italy pursuing pleasure (which in her case is food, not sex), four months in India at an Ashram practicing the spiritual version of yoga and meditating and pursuing devotion, and then four months in Indonesia with the Balinese pursuing balance and learning how to have pleasure without abandoning devotion. That book shook my world up. While pursuing devotion, Liz does a lot of meditating and studying. She talks about yoga as a means to the end of connection with the Divine, whichever Deity you choose - even Jesus. In The Lotus Still Blooms, Joan Gattuso also correlates Buddhism with Christianity.

I don't really know what I'm looking for in my religious studies. Maybe just connection to God in whatever way I can find Him/Her/It. Maybe a way to live my life that I don't always have to be in conflict with.

We'll see where I end up.