Showing posts with label oklahoma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oklahoma. Show all posts
Friday, June 5, 2015
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Loop, and the Future
There is so much happening in my life right now.
I love my job, but I don't love the money I'm not making. Hopefully, it will all be easier in a few weeks when we get a third roommate.
I miss being fashionable. I went shopping today with money I probably shouldn't have spent, and got so excited about the things I bought. I also got sad that I won't be able to wear them to work. I hate uniforms.
I am really busy, but trying to pretend like I'm not. I obsessively text and tweet in order to make myself feel the illusion of leisure time. That's kind of sad.
I have done two performances with the Wordpulp Slam Team in the last two weeks. I have one this Thursday (7/15) and the following Thursday (7/22). The week after that is the arrival of my third roommate, Primary Day (7/27), another Wordulp event (7/29), our house party (7/31) and my birthday (8/1). On August 3 I hop in a van with the team and head to St. Paul, Minnesota for the National Poetry Slam. I'm excited and scared shitless. So much to do and so little time.
I have pretty officially landed a job with a local start-up publication called The Loop Magazine. We are trying to become an urban version of The Oklahoma Gazette on glossy paper with some more flavor added! I loved the girls I met who have been running the show for the last year. I wrote a rough draft of my first piece just now and was all jazzed up so I decided to update my blog. I'll edit the piece tomorrow and then send it off in hopes of getting good reviews.
I've gained back three of my thirteen pounds lost and I need to fix that as quickly as possible. I don't care so much about the pounds, except they are directly indicative of how much work I haven't done in the last two weeks.
I started to get back into OSGA stuff but then all of this life happened so I haven't continued.
My roommate's manager at Starbucks is trying to set up an interview with me, but I'm antsy about it. I love Build-A-Bear and I already don't focus on it that well. But I need more money too. If Starbucks is offering full-time I might really need to look into it. My boss hasn't said no to a raise. She hasn't said anything at all.
-----
My job with The Loop has got me thinking about the future. I think I could be content to work one "day job" and write for the magazine for anywhere from two to seven years. I say seven years because then I'll be thirty and I should probably pass that mantle to someone else, and start the teaching gig. Hopefully the economy will have turned around by then and I might even be settled into a stable relationship.
Magazine writing is what I always wanted to do until I developed my political persona and made myself believe that it wasn't a serious job. Now that my ideas have run the whole gamut, I think I'm ready to do, rather than just think. I know what I'm capable of and I'm ready to get out there and try my luck at life.
I want to teach, but not right now.
Now to just finish out this degree...
I love my job, but I don't love the money I'm not making. Hopefully, it will all be easier in a few weeks when we get a third roommate.
I miss being fashionable. I went shopping today with money I probably shouldn't have spent, and got so excited about the things I bought. I also got sad that I won't be able to wear them to work. I hate uniforms.
I am really busy, but trying to pretend like I'm not. I obsessively text and tweet in order to make myself feel the illusion of leisure time. That's kind of sad.
I have done two performances with the Wordpulp Slam Team in the last two weeks. I have one this Thursday (7/15) and the following Thursday (7/22). The week after that is the arrival of my third roommate, Primary Day (7/27), another Wordulp event (7/29), our house party (7/31) and my birthday (8/1). On August 3 I hop in a van with the team and head to St. Paul, Minnesota for the National Poetry Slam. I'm excited and scared shitless. So much to do and so little time.
I have pretty officially landed a job with a local start-up publication called The Loop Magazine. We are trying to become an urban version of The Oklahoma Gazette on glossy paper with some more flavor added! I loved the girls I met who have been running the show for the last year. I wrote a rough draft of my first piece just now and was all jazzed up so I decided to update my blog. I'll edit the piece tomorrow and then send it off in hopes of getting good reviews.
I've gained back three of my thirteen pounds lost and I need to fix that as quickly as possible. I don't care so much about the pounds, except they are directly indicative of how much work I haven't done in the last two weeks.
I started to get back into OSGA stuff but then all of this life happened so I haven't continued.
My roommate's manager at Starbucks is trying to set up an interview with me, but I'm antsy about it. I love Build-A-Bear and I already don't focus on it that well. But I need more money too. If Starbucks is offering full-time I might really need to look into it. My boss hasn't said no to a raise. She hasn't said anything at all.
-----
My job with The Loop has got me thinking about the future. I think I could be content to work one "day job" and write for the magazine for anywhere from two to seven years. I say seven years because then I'll be thirty and I should probably pass that mantle to someone else, and start the teaching gig. Hopefully the economy will have turned around by then and I might even be settled into a stable relationship.
Magazine writing is what I always wanted to do until I developed my political persona and made myself believe that it wasn't a serious job. Now that my ideas have run the whole gamut, I think I'm ready to do, rather than just think. I know what I'm capable of and I'm ready to get out there and try my luck at life.
I want to teach, but not right now.
Now to just finish out this degree...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Moving Mountains
There are some days when I sit back and look at my surroundings and look at the people I know and love and think:
And I want to be a cog in the system working for change in a small way, in a way teenagers need. I want to move one mountain, one stone at a time, not join with a large group of people to shift the entire course of the Rockies. Just one mountain. And I've got a lifetime to move it by myself.
And then I talk to a lady in Build-A-Bear. Sweet lady who looks Hispanic and whose daughter looks either Hispanic or Middle Eastern. She comes in an average of twice a month and never drops less than $100 on her four-year-old. I thought she was insane at first, because that's way too much money on children's toys. But this week she came in twice - Monday and Tuesday - and said some things that made me look deeper.
Monday she told about how they had "cut back" because her daughter wasn't treating her toys like she was grateful, like they were special. Very observant. Much less materialistic than I had originally thought she was. Tuesday they come in and she is wearing the same clothes - and a woman who drops dollars like she does has plenty of clothes to change into. She looks tired, sad, sick, or all of the above and she's doing a ton of sniffling. She looks at me almost apologetically and says, "We just came back for the jaguar. Just the jaguar." Her daughter starts running around looking at the things she likes and trying to decide if she has them at home already (because she's got half our store). I ask her if she is okay. She says she's been sick.
The lady sits down in a chair looking ready to wither and starts talking to me. She was surprised that I understood everything her daughter said. She said I must have kids. I told her no, I just love them and love to listen to them. I said I taught two- and three-year old Sunday school for a couple of years and that I want to teach high school English. She says I'll be great. After some time passes she says, "You should teach at Cassidy."
If you know me or have read my other posts about teaching, you know that I have NO desire to teach preppy, rich, white kids. And Cassidy is more preppy, rich, and white than almost any private school in the metro. I had to reign in my thoughts before I said, "Oh hell no!"
Instead I said, "Well, I've always wanted to teach in public schools. Private schools, especially Cassidy, are kind of..."
"Snotty?" She put in. I nodded appreciatively. She continued: "I don't ever want to be hateful, but some of the parents there are very elitist even toward my family." And we proceed to have a whole conversation about rich, snotty people and how she doesn't want to be one, how she doesn't want her daughter to be one, and how she's not sure if she wants her daughter attending that school past elementary. She is afraid the other kids will hurt her. And I can completely relate because that's how it always was for me in private elementary and junior high school.
She isn't from Oklahoma. Wherever she lived before, she attended public school in what she referred to as a "Mexican ghetto," likely the same kind I want to teach in. She said it was scary and she doesn't want her daughter to go through that either.
I worried over her and the reason behind her sniffles and weakness and day-old outfit until they left.
I stood there wondering what I could have done more to help. I had wanted to hug her but didn't know if that was okay.
And then I thought: I'll have to do something more than just teach high school English. But I don't know what it is yet. Right now, the Build-A-Bear Workshop will do.
I just want to teach high school English in OKC public schools.
I want to have my weekends and summers off. I want to be able to randomly drive to Dallas or Houston to spend quality time with my family. I want to be free to go places and experience things.And I want to be a cog in the system working for change in a small way, in a way teenagers need. I want to move one mountain, one stone at a time, not join with a large group of people to shift the entire course of the Rockies. Just one mountain. And I've got a lifetime to move it by myself.
And then I talk to a lady in Build-A-Bear. Sweet lady who looks Hispanic and whose daughter looks either Hispanic or Middle Eastern. She comes in an average of twice a month and never drops less than $100 on her four-year-old. I thought she was insane at first, because that's way too much money on children's toys. But this week she came in twice - Monday and Tuesday - and said some things that made me look deeper.
Monday she told about how they had "cut back" because her daughter wasn't treating her toys like she was grateful, like they were special. Very observant. Much less materialistic than I had originally thought she was. Tuesday they come in and she is wearing the same clothes - and a woman who drops dollars like she does has plenty of clothes to change into. She looks tired, sad, sick, or all of the above and she's doing a ton of sniffling. She looks at me almost apologetically and says, "We just came back for the jaguar. Just the jaguar." Her daughter starts running around looking at the things she likes and trying to decide if she has them at home already (because she's got half our store). I ask her if she is okay. She says she's been sick.
The lady sits down in a chair looking ready to wither and starts talking to me. She was surprised that I understood everything her daughter said. She said I must have kids. I told her no, I just love them and love to listen to them. I said I taught two- and three-year old Sunday school for a couple of years and that I want to teach high school English. She says I'll be great. After some time passes she says, "You should teach at Cassidy."
If you know me or have read my other posts about teaching, you know that I have NO desire to teach preppy, rich, white kids. And Cassidy is more preppy, rich, and white than almost any private school in the metro. I had to reign in my thoughts before I said, "Oh hell no!"
Instead I said, "Well, I've always wanted to teach in public schools. Private schools, especially Cassidy, are kind of..."
"Snotty?" She put in. I nodded appreciatively. She continued: "I don't ever want to be hateful, but some of the parents there are very elitist even toward my family." And we proceed to have a whole conversation about rich, snotty people and how she doesn't want to be one, how she doesn't want her daughter to be one, and how she's not sure if she wants her daughter attending that school past elementary. She is afraid the other kids will hurt her. And I can completely relate because that's how it always was for me in private elementary and junior high school.
She isn't from Oklahoma. Wherever she lived before, she attended public school in what she referred to as a "Mexican ghetto," likely the same kind I want to teach in. She said it was scary and she doesn't want her daughter to go through that either.
I worried over her and the reason behind her sniffles and weakness and day-old outfit until they left.
I stood there wondering what I could have done more to help. I had wanted to hug her but didn't know if that was okay.
And then I thought: I'll have to do something more than just teach high school English. But I don't know what it is yet. Right now, the Build-A-Bear Workshop will do.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
some prose about friendship and community
this is a non-fiction piece i'm working on. it's not yet titled.
(i think i'm becoming the type of person who can't title things until they are completely finished and edited)
"Life is born in a community. Existence is breathing, eating, going through the motions. But real living is about family and friends. Life is laughing until you cry. It’s crying at a good book. Life is dancing until you sweat your hair out. It’s hugs and drinks on the house. You can’t really have a life if you’re alone.
"That’s the reason I almost moved to Kansas. I met my Topeka-native best friend at college here in Oklahoma City, but when she decided she didn’t want to make dance her career, she realized that there was no need to pay the high tuition at the premier institution for dance in Middle America. She went back home to be a math education major.
"I lived life for the first time when I was with her. We partied together, dance around our dorm in pajamas together, listened to *NSYNC while cleaning our rooms together, and best of all we were together for the hard times. I was there when her boyfriend broke up with her again. She was there when kids from my high school kept dying. Together, we made the decision for her to transfer.
"When I discovered that I wanted to teach, we talked about me transferring to her school or to one near hers. It just seemed perfect. There was really nothing tying me to Oklahoma, nothing keeping me here. We could be roommates again. We would be each other’s support system in a whole new way because we have the same philosophy about teaching. We don’t want to teach at private schools where the money might be better and the risks lower. We want to teach where a lot of the kids have little direction or motivation, where we can actually make a difference in their lives. She asked me an important question. She said, 'Naj, do you really want to go to work all day and fight the good fight with people who won’t help, and then come home at night to an empty kitchen with no friends, no husband, and no cat?'
"The only answer to that question was no. That sounds like an easy way to get tapped out before I really get started. So I was going to leave. I was going to move to Lawrence in January of 2010 and start learning how to teach.
"And then it happened.
"I was sitting in front of Starbucks in Bricktown waiting until it was time to go to work. I was reading a book, but was all of the sudden overwhelmed by my love for Oklahoma and the potential it has to be the perfect balance between city and country. I came to the realization that was partially my undoing. Who is going to change this place for the better? The Spirit said, “Why not me?” When will I be able to accomplish this? And the Spirit said, “Why not now?”
This realization, this calling if you will, has messed up all of my plans. Jennifer’s long-term boyfriend (who she got back together with, more than once, since then) is inextricably bound to Topeka. Jen doesn’t really want to leave either. And I am now called to accomplish something beautiful in Oklahoma. We are destined to be four hours apart forever.
"Approximately once every two weeks one of us text messages the other to talk about how miserable we are because no one in our respective state is as cool as our “BFF/Love Sound/Roomie For Life.” We each have acquaintances, even friends that we spend time with. Jen has a new roommate. But neither of us can connect to anyone the way we connect to each other.
"That is the only fear I still have about my life here. Where will the support come from? Who’s going to cook for me when I come home worn to the bone and stressed out about the kids at school? Better yet, who’s going to push me to stay up studying when I’m in my fifth year of my undergrad because I changed my major? The kids you go to the club with are not that down. The guy you chat to when neither of you are busy is not that into you.
"So how do you build a community when the one you want is out of your reach?"
------
i would genuinely like answers to that question if you have them...how do you build a community when the one you want is out of your reach?
(i think i'm becoming the type of person who can't title things until they are completely finished and edited)
"Life is born in a community. Existence is breathing, eating, going through the motions. But real living is about family and friends. Life is laughing until you cry. It’s crying at a good book. Life is dancing until you sweat your hair out. It’s hugs and drinks on the house. You can’t really have a life if you’re alone.
"That’s the reason I almost moved to Kansas. I met my Topeka-native best friend at college here in Oklahoma City, but when she decided she didn’t want to make dance her career, she realized that there was no need to pay the high tuition at the premier institution for dance in Middle America. She went back home to be a math education major.
"I lived life for the first time when I was with her. We partied together, dance around our dorm in pajamas together, listened to *NSYNC while cleaning our rooms together, and best of all we were together for the hard times. I was there when her boyfriend broke up with her again. She was there when kids from my high school kept dying. Together, we made the decision for her to transfer.
"When I discovered that I wanted to teach, we talked about me transferring to her school or to one near hers. It just seemed perfect. There was really nothing tying me to Oklahoma, nothing keeping me here. We could be roommates again. We would be each other’s support system in a whole new way because we have the same philosophy about teaching. We don’t want to teach at private schools where the money might be better and the risks lower. We want to teach where a lot of the kids have little direction or motivation, where we can actually make a difference in their lives. She asked me an important question. She said, 'Naj, do you really want to go to work all day and fight the good fight with people who won’t help, and then come home at night to an empty kitchen with no friends, no husband, and no cat?'
"The only answer to that question was no. That sounds like an easy way to get tapped out before I really get started. So I was going to leave. I was going to move to Lawrence in January of 2010 and start learning how to teach.
"And then it happened.
"I was sitting in front of Starbucks in Bricktown waiting until it was time to go to work. I was reading a book, but was all of the sudden overwhelmed by my love for Oklahoma and the potential it has to be the perfect balance between city and country. I came to the realization that was partially my undoing. Who is going to change this place for the better? The Spirit said, “Why not me?” When will I be able to accomplish this? And the Spirit said, “Why not now?”
This realization, this calling if you will, has messed up all of my plans. Jennifer’s long-term boyfriend (who she got back together with, more than once, since then) is inextricably bound to Topeka. Jen doesn’t really want to leave either. And I am now called to accomplish something beautiful in Oklahoma. We are destined to be four hours apart forever.
"Approximately once every two weeks one of us text messages the other to talk about how miserable we are because no one in our respective state is as cool as our “BFF/Love Sound/Roomie For Life.” We each have acquaintances, even friends that we spend time with. Jen has a new roommate. But neither of us can connect to anyone the way we connect to each other.
"That is the only fear I still have about my life here. Where will the support come from? Who’s going to cook for me when I come home worn to the bone and stressed out about the kids at school? Better yet, who’s going to push me to stay up studying when I’m in my fifth year of my undergrad because I changed my major? The kids you go to the club with are not that down. The guy you chat to when neither of you are busy is not that into you.
"So how do you build a community when the one you want is out of your reach?"
------
i would genuinely like answers to that question if you have them...how do you build a community when the one you want is out of your reach?
Friday, June 26, 2009
motivation
i am often amazed at how quickly Divine Inspiration gets deep down into the crevasses of my heart and causes me to set things into motion.
i am motivated to do four things: teach high school english, reach out to people (especially youth) in oklahoma (starting with the capital city and immediately surrounding areas), writing and performing (they come from the same place, so I will count them as one thing), and showing people the dichotomy.
the first three things are easy.
the fourth thing is as difficult to accomplish as it is to explain.
what dichotomy?
are you starting to see?
i would love to be able to show people what it looks like to be an editor at a top magazine and also secretly be a large contributor to various nonprofit organizations.
basically, i want to be oprah - if she were a teacher and not a celebrity. of course, i would need her money, but i don't need the house, the manfriend, or the publicity. really, just the money. lol.
but seriously, my fellow church member brandawn, said we christians are all either "priestly kings" or "kingly priests" and we have to figure out which. i am not putting anything beyond the LORD's ability to accomplish, but i don't think i was made to be priestly. but i'm also the poorest king i've ever heard of. pastor charles says that's because i haven't yet learned to trust G-D. we'll see.
i don't know if this post made any sense.
i am motivated to do four things: teach high school english, reach out to people (especially youth) in oklahoma (starting with the capital city and immediately surrounding areas), writing and performing (they come from the same place, so I will count them as one thing), and showing people the dichotomy.
the first three things are easy.
the fourth thing is as difficult to accomplish as it is to explain.
what dichotomy?
- the coexistence of beauty (even affected beauty) and brains
- the feminine as it pertains to the corporate
- the ability to care for others and yet lead with a heavy hand
- the ability to do the best possible job while requesting only inspiration in return
are you starting to see?
i would love to be able to show people what it looks like to be an editor at a top magazine and also secretly be a large contributor to various nonprofit organizations.
basically, i want to be oprah - if she were a teacher and not a celebrity. of course, i would need her money, but i don't need the house, the manfriend, or the publicity. really, just the money. lol.
but seriously, my fellow church member brandawn, said we christians are all either "priestly kings" or "kingly priests" and we have to figure out which. i am not putting anything beyond the LORD's ability to accomplish, but i don't think i was made to be priestly. but i'm also the poorest king i've ever heard of. pastor charles says that's because i haven't yet learned to trust G-D. we'll see.
i don't know if this post made any sense.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Where Life Takes You
My best friend and I were just having a conversation about the future.
Here's how part of it went:
Me: "When I said I wanted to teach, someone said, 'You should try to get on at a private school'."
Insert Jen's disgusted face.
Me: "Oh I know! I said, 'Hell no!' I want the poor, dirty, grungy, gang-bangin' kids that no one believes in. Someone else can have the spoiled rich kids."
We are both juniors who won't be done with school in a year.
She started as a dance performance major here at OCU and did that til midway through sophomore year. She decided that she wanted to try something else. So at the end of that year she went back to Kansas and she goes to Emporia State as a math education major. Then she wants to do graduate work so she can teach science.
I started as a journalism major with no idea what I wanted. Then, as a sophomore, I switched to English because I'm not a news hound but thought I'd still be in publications. I wanted to be Miranda Priestly (fictional character who is the equivalent of Anna Wintour the editor-in-chief of Vogue). Not until about two weeks ago, did I discover that what will really fulfill me is teaching kids to love what I love, or at least teaching them to do it right.
My next dilemma was/is whether to stay in Oklahoma and get my 2nd degree and teaching license here or move somewhere else to do it. Teaching is a more flexible field. Everyone needs teachers. So Jen and I were discussing it.
I asked, "Do I really want to stay here by myself to fight the good fight?"
Jen said no. I woud get drained and tired. I need a support system. "You don't want to go to school and fight for kids that no one else is fighting for, and then come home to an empty apartment with no friends, no husband, and no cat."
She's right. So I'm looking into the University of Kansas which is only about an hour from her. We'll see what happens.
It's sad to say that my mom and my grandparents and my cousins aren't support enough. But Jen brought up another good point. I need unconditional support from people who won't judge me if I decide not to practice Christianity. I love my family, but that's a block they don't get past. That's a block a lot of people don't get past.
"You need to get out of the Bible Belt where non-Christianity is always a deal-breaker."
And I need people my own age. I need my BFF and maybe a man.
It's interesting where life takes you.
Here's how part of it went:
Me: "When I said I wanted to teach, someone said, 'You should try to get on at a private school'."
Insert Jen's disgusted face.
Me: "Oh I know! I said, 'Hell no!' I want the poor, dirty, grungy, gang-bangin' kids that no one believes in. Someone else can have the spoiled rich kids."
We are both juniors who won't be done with school in a year.
She started as a dance performance major here at OCU and did that til midway through sophomore year. She decided that she wanted to try something else. So at the end of that year she went back to Kansas and she goes to Emporia State as a math education major. Then she wants to do graduate work so she can teach science.
I started as a journalism major with no idea what I wanted. Then, as a sophomore, I switched to English because I'm not a news hound but thought I'd still be in publications. I wanted to be Miranda Priestly (fictional character who is the equivalent of Anna Wintour the editor-in-chief of Vogue). Not until about two weeks ago, did I discover that what will really fulfill me is teaching kids to love what I love, or at least teaching them to do it right.
My next dilemma was/is whether to stay in Oklahoma and get my 2nd degree and teaching license here or move somewhere else to do it. Teaching is a more flexible field. Everyone needs teachers. So Jen and I were discussing it.
I asked, "Do I really want to stay here by myself to fight the good fight?"
Jen said no. I woud get drained and tired. I need a support system. "You don't want to go to school and fight for kids that no one else is fighting for, and then come home to an empty apartment with no friends, no husband, and no cat."
She's right. So I'm looking into the University of Kansas which is only about an hour from her. We'll see what happens.
It's sad to say that my mom and my grandparents and my cousins aren't support enough. But Jen brought up another good point. I need unconditional support from people who won't judge me if I decide not to practice Christianity. I love my family, but that's a block they don't get past. That's a block a lot of people don't get past.
"You need to get out of the Bible Belt where non-Christianity is always a deal-breaker."
And I need people my own age. I need my BFF and maybe a man.
It's interesting where life takes you.
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