The Loop, and the Future

There is so much happening in my life right now.

I love my job, but I don't love the money I'm not making. Hopefully, it will all be easier in a few weeks when we get a third roommate.

I miss being fashionable. I went shopping today with money I probably shouldn't have spent, and got so excited about the things I bought. I also got sad that I won't be able to wear them to work. I hate uniforms.

I am really busy, but trying to pretend like I'm not. I obsessively text and tweet in order to make myself feel the illusion of leisure time. That's kind of sad.

I have done two performances with the Wordpulp Slam Team in the last two weeks. I have one this Thursday (7/15) and the following Thursday (7/22). The week after that is the arrival of my third roommate, Primary Day (7/27), another Wordulp event (7/29), our house party (7/31) and my birthday (8/1). On August 3 I hop in a van with the team and head to St. Paul, Minnesota for the National Poetry Slam. I'm excited and scared shitless. So much to do and so little time.

I have pretty officially landed a job with a local start-up publication called The Loop Magazine. We are trying to become an urban version of The Oklahoma Gazette on glossy paper with some more flavor added! I loved the girls I met who have been running the show for the last year. I wrote a rough draft of my first piece just now and was all jazzed up so I decided to update my blog. I'll edit the piece tomorrow and then send it off in hopes of getting good reviews.

I've gained back three of my thirteen pounds lost and I need to fix that as quickly as possible. I don't care so much about the pounds, except they are directly indicative of how much work I haven't done in the last two weeks.

I started to get back into OSGA stuff but then all of this life happened so I haven't continued.
My roommate's manager at Starbucks is trying to set up an interview with me, but I'm antsy about it. I love Build-A-Bear and I already don't focus on it that well. But I need more money too. If Starbucks is offering full-time I might really need to look into it. My boss hasn't said no to a raise. She hasn't said anything at all.

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My job with The Loop has got me thinking about the future. I think I could be content to work one "day job" and write for the magazine for anywhere from two to seven years. I say seven years because then I'll be thirty and I should probably pass that mantle to someone else, and start the teaching gig. Hopefully the economy will have turned around by then and I might even be settled into a stable relationship.

Magazine writing is what I always wanted to do until I developed my political persona and made myself believe that it wasn't a serious job. Now that my ideas have run the whole gamut, I think I'm ready to do, rather than just think. I know what I'm capable of and I'm ready to get out there and try my luck at life.

I want to teach, but not right now.
Now to just finish out this degree...

Moving Mountains

There are some days when I sit back and look at my surroundings and look at the people I know and love and think:

I just want to teach high school English in OKC public schools.

I want to have my weekends and summers off. I want to be able to randomly drive to Dallas or Houston to spend quality time with my family. I want to be free to go places and experience things.
And I want to be a cog in the system working for change in a small way, in a way teenagers need. I want to move one mountain, one stone at a time, not join with a large group of people to shift the entire course of the Rockies. Just one mountain. And I've got a lifetime to move it by myself.

And then I talk to a lady in Build-A-Bear. Sweet lady who looks Hispanic and whose daughter looks either Hispanic or Middle Eastern. She comes in an average of twice a month and never drops less than $100 on her four-year-old. I thought she was insane at first, because that's way too much money on children's toys. But this week she came in twice - Monday and Tuesday - and said some things that made me look deeper.

Monday she told about how they had "cut back" because her daughter wasn't treating her toys like she was grateful, like they were special. Very observant. Much less materialistic than I had originally thought she was. Tuesday they come in and she is wearing the same clothes - and a woman who drops dollars like she does has plenty of clothes to change into. She looks tired, sad, sick, or all of the above and she's doing a ton of sniffling. She looks at me almost apologetically and says, "We just came back for the jaguar. Just the jaguar." Her daughter starts running around looking at the things she likes and trying to decide if she has them at home already (because she's got half our store). I ask her if she is okay. She says she's been sick.

The lady sits down in a chair looking ready to wither and starts talking to me. She was surprised that I understood everything her daughter said. She said I must have kids. I told her no, I just love them and love to listen to them. I said I taught two- and three-year old Sunday school for a couple of years and that I want to teach high school English. She says I'll be great. After some time passes she says, "You should teach at Cassidy."

If you know me or have read my other posts about teaching, you know that I have NO desire to teach preppy, rich, white kids. And Cassidy is more preppy, rich, and white than almost any private school in the metro. I had to reign in my thoughts before I said, "Oh hell no!"

Instead I said, "Well, I've always wanted to teach in public schools. Private schools, especially Cassidy, are kind of..."
"Snotty?" She put in. I nodded appreciatively. She continued: "I don't ever want to be hateful, but some of the parents there are very elitist even toward my family." And we proceed to have a whole conversation about rich, snotty people and how she doesn't want to be one, how she doesn't want her daughter to be one, and how she's not sure if she wants her daughter attending that school past elementary. She is afraid the other kids will hurt her. And I can completely relate because that's how it always was for me in private elementary and junior high school.

She isn't from Oklahoma. Wherever she lived before, she attended public school in what she referred to as a "Mexican ghetto," likely the same kind I want to teach in. She said it was scary and she doesn't want her daughter to go through that either.
I worried over her and the reason behind her sniffles and weakness and day-old outfit until they left.

I stood there wondering what I could have done more to help. I had wanted to hug her but didn't know if that was okay.

And then I thought: I'll have to do something more than just teach high school English. But I don't know what it is yet. Right now, the Build-A-Bear Workshop will do.

"Those who can't do, teach..."

("...and those who can't wed, plan." - from The Wedding Planner)

I have never really understood that quote. If you can't do something, how dare you teach others to do it? It doesn't seem to make sense. And yet, I think that's what happens a lot of times in society.

This is a short list of things that make me cry (other than the obvious things):

Julia Robert's character is just so damn beautiful, and Maggie Gyllenhaal's character is so painfully raw. Ginnifer Owen's character is the definition of endearing, and Kirsten Dunst is a bitch until the end when she's contrite - the epitome of a dynamic character. I don't agree with the decision that Julia Stiles's character makes, but I have to give her credit for knowing what she wants and how to argue for it. And of course, I love the discourse about what art is or is not and why.
"I came to Wellesley to make a difference, but to change for others is to lie to yourself." - Miss Watson
2. well written and emphatically spoken poetry
Sierra Demulder messed me up when I heard her perform at Sauced a couple of weeks ago. Her pieces are honest in a way that I never have been. Melissa May's poems motivate me move mountains.
3. good music
Kate Voegele's acoustic stuff, Miley Cyrus's "The Climb," Darrius Rucker's slow stuff, Brad Paisley's love songs, Franscesca Battiscelli's "Free to Be Me," Trace Adkins's "You're Gonna Miss This," Deana Carter's "Strawberry Wine," all the slow songs from the TV show One Tree Hill like A Fine Frenzy's "Ashes and Wine"
4. the very end of Sex and the City the movie
(after Carrie and Big are married and the girls are all just hanging out together)
5. teaching movies
Freedom Writers, Lean On Me, Stand and Deliver (Mona Lisa Smile goes here too)
6. every other time Barack Obama opens his mouth or writes anything down

hope is a concept that is beautiful to me, although its something that I often "hold like it's slipping" (thanks for the poetic image, Sierra Demulder)



This is a list of things I'm involved in:
1. School
I'm a teacher candidate hoping to get certified to teach English at the secondary level
2. Work
I'm an associate manager at the Build-A-Bear Workshop. It's fun, I love to make kids smile, and it's teaching me to let go of the things that don't matter (like what I wear to work and whether or not I look goofy while trying to make kids and parents happy).
3. The Oklahoma Student Government Association
I'm the P.R. Director and I'm not very efficient.
4. Intern for the Lt. Gov. Jari Askins (D) for Governor campaign.
5. In the application process for Kappa Delta Pi - the teacher's honor society - and the National Education of Women Leadership Conference (getting women involved in Oklahoma politics)

So what does this say about me?
I want to be a teacher.
I love art, good writing, music, movies, and politics.

What should I do with that?
Be a teacher?
Duh.
Volunteer with political campaigns?
Probably yes.
Add a minor in political science or leadership?
No.
Add a minor in Humanities?
Probably no.
Learn to play an instrument?
Could be fun and therapeutic.

Basically it all comes down to this: I know I can do/be anything, but I don’t know what will make me happy. I know teaching has something to do with it, but I don’t know if it’s just teaching English or if it’s teaching Humanities, or sponsoring the yearbook, or coaching cheer, or starting a youth mentorship program, or advocating for keeping the arts in public schools. I just don’t know. And I’ve never been very comfortable not knowing.

Education and Testing - for Advanced Comp

My best friend, Jen, and I are both teacher candidates. She goes to Emporia State in Kansas and wants to teach high school and college math, while I'm here and want to teach high school and college English.

Yesterday we were talking about our classes and we came across the topic of multicultural students and their disadvantages in the classroom. In both of our programs (and hopefully most programs across the nation) teacher candidates are required to do their internships/observations/student teaching in at least one school with a majority minority students or where a majority of the students are of a low socioeconomic status.  She and I were discussing how strange it is that so many teacher candidates struggle through those placements because they want to teach in middle to upper-middle-class suburban predominantly white schools. 

We talked about the various struggling school systems in each of our areas. Jen mentioned that in Kansas there are a lot of Hispanic immigrants and a high demand for English Language Learning (our ESL). We got to talking about standardized testing and how kids who don't speak English as their first language categorically score low on those tests.  I told her that I would love to teach ESL but don't have time (to stay in school for it). She said she thinks there should be separate tests for native speakers and ELL/ESL students. I agreed with her during our initial discussion, but then after talking to my mom about it, I realized that I don't know if that's the best solution to the problem. 

Of course, most of we teachers and teacher candidates believe that standardized testing is too rigid for many students and some entire districts. But, that initial problem is compounded when there is a language barrier. According to the Center on Education Policy, Kansas test scores for 10th and 11th graders in reading went down from 2006 to 2007, but went up in math. In Oklahoma, all of our scores went up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Until you look at the Oklahoma City (mostly urban) Public School district. According to our state department's district report cards in 2003 and 2009, "minority" students and boys score unsatisfactorily in reading, with the exception of Asian students, who excel with the Caucasian children and the girls. The majority of all races of students score unsatisfactorily in math, with the exception of Asians. U.S. Grant High School, an almost half-Hispanic school (according to Public School Review), has been on the list of schools that need improvement for four years running.

I don't know what to do about the problem. But some of us need to put our heads together and figure it out. 

Thoughts on Teaching and News About BNV '10

This morning I was reading The Diary of Anne Frank for Young Adult Literature and thinking about how there are so many little random things that interest me when I read. I was thinking about how even last year when my classes were structured solely on discussion, there was no way to convey ALL of the interesting anecdotal things that ran across my mind when I was reading. So I decided, in order to create more writing opportunities and in order to give students like myself an outlet, I'm going to have an open extra credit opportunity in my English classes when I start teaching. It'll be something along the line of: anytime you want to write a short essay about something you read in the text - THAT WE DID NOT COVER IN CLASS - feel free to do so and had it in by (date). This extra credit essay should be written as if it were a formal assignment and I might hand it back for revisions before I assign points to it.

Is it nerdy that I sit around and think about the things I want to do when I have my own classroom? I do it ALL the time.

The Brave New Voices 2010 festival is being help in Los Angeles, California. My friend (business partner?) and I decided that it is imperative to our project that we go to this festival. And I'm excited because, unlike so much of the rest of the world, I don't really care about California or the West Coast in general. But this will be my reason to go see it and to get attend this amazing festival!! I'm really excited. I have to save my money. I'd like to buy a video camera before then too!
(And this is extra incentive to lose 20 or 30 pounds, LOL).

teachers of the world unite!

my best friend, jen, goes to emporia state university. apparently esu is a teaching university, just like the university of central oklahoma (where i start in two weeks). jen transferred there (rather than university of kansas or kansas state univ.) when she decided she wanted to teach. Her roommates are both math education majors, like she is. i met three other english education majors and a history ed. major. i felt so happy and purpose-driven while i was with them. it was interesting to have that many people together who want the same things.

when i got home, i watched lean on me and cried.
last saturday at church, pastor craig used the backdrop of the movie coach carter for his message. i cried throughout the whole message because i love that story so much. freedom writers, mona lisa smile, the dead poets society, and the breakfast club all make me feel the same way.
there are times when you definitely just know what you're supposed to be doing.
journalism was fun and it engaged my mind, but i never cried while imagining the possibilities of it.

"in His grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. ...if you are a teacher, teach well." - romans 12:6, 7b

"but now let me show you a way of life that is best of all. ...if i had the gift of prophecy and if i understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge...but didn't love others, i would be nothing. ...let love be your highest goal." - 1 corinthians 12:31b, 13:2, 14:1

some prose about friendship and community

this is a non-fiction piece i'm working on. it's not yet titled.
(i think i'm becoming the type of person who can't title things until they are completely finished and edited)

"Life is born in a community. Existence is breathing, eating, going through the motions. But real living is about family and friends. Life is laughing until you cry. It’s crying at a good book. Life is dancing until you sweat your hair out. It’s hugs and drinks on the house. You can’t really have a life if you’re alone.

"That’s the reason I almost moved to Kansas. I met my Topeka-native best friend at college here in Oklahoma City, but when she decided she didn’t want to make dance her career, she realized that there was no need to pay the high tuition at the premier institution for dance in Middle America. She went back home to be a math education major.

"I lived life for the first time when I was with her. We partied together, dance around our dorm in pajamas together, listened to *NSYNC while cleaning our rooms together, and best of all we were together for the hard times. I was there when her boyfriend broke up with her again. She was there when kids from my high school kept dying. Together, we made the decision for her to transfer.

"When I discovered that I wanted to teach, we talked about me transferring to her school or to one near hers. It just seemed perfect. There was really nothing tying me to Oklahoma, nothing keeping me here. We could be roommates again. We would be each other’s support system in a whole new way because we have the same philosophy about teaching. We don’t want to teach at private schools where the money might be better and the risks lower. We want to teach where a lot of the kids have little direction or motivation, where we can actually make a difference in their lives. She asked me an important question. She said, 'Naj, do you really want to go to work all day and fight the good fight with people who won’t help, and then come home at night to an empty kitchen with no friends, no husband, and no cat?'

"The only answer to that question was no. That sounds like an easy way to get tapped out before I really get started. So I was going to leave. I was going to move to Lawrence in January of 2010 and start learning how to teach.

"And then it happened.

"I was sitting in front of Starbucks in Bricktown waiting until it was time to go to work. I was reading a book, but was all of the sudden overwhelmed by my love for Oklahoma and the potential it has to be the perfect balance between city and country. I came to the realization that was partially my undoing. Who is going to change this place for the better? The Spirit said, “Why not me?” When will I be able to accomplish this? And the Spirit said, “Why not now?”
This realization, this calling if you will, has messed up all of my plans. Jennifer’s long-term boyfriend (who she got back together with, more than once, since then) is inextricably bound to Topeka. Jen doesn’t really want to leave either. And I am now called to accomplish something beautiful in Oklahoma. We are destined to be four hours apart forever.

"Approximately once every two weeks one of us text messages the other to talk about how miserable we are because no one in our respective state is as cool as our “BFF/Love Sound/Roomie For Life.” We each have acquaintances, even friends that we spend time with. Jen has a new roommate. But neither of us can connect to anyone the way we connect to each other.

"That is the only fear I still have about my life here. Where will the support come from? Who’s going to cook for me when I come home worn to the bone and stressed out about the kids at school? Better yet, who’s going to push me to stay up studying when I’m in my fifth year of my undergrad because I changed my major? The kids you go to the club with are not that down. The guy you chat to when neither of you are busy is not that into you.

"So how do you build a community when the one you want is out of your reach?"

------
i would genuinely like answers to that question if you have them...how do you build a community when the one you want is out of your reach?

motivation

i am often amazed at how quickly Divine Inspiration gets deep down into the crevasses of my heart and causes me to set things into motion.

i am motivated to do four things: teach high school english, reach out to people (especially youth) in oklahoma (starting with the capital city and immediately surrounding areas), writing and performing (they come from the same place, so I will count them as one thing), and showing people the dichotomy.

the first three things are easy.
the fourth thing is as difficult to accomplish as it is to explain.

what dichotomy?

• the coexistence of beauty (even affected beauty) and brains
• the feminine as it pertains to the corporate
• the ability to care for others and yet lead with a heavy hand
• the ability to do the best possible job while requesting only inspiration in return

are you starting to see?

i would love to be able to show people what it looks like to be an editor at a top magazine and also secretly be a large contributor to various nonprofit organizations.

basically, i want to be oprah - if she were a teacher and not a celebrity. of course, i would need her money, but i don't need the house, the manfriend, or the publicity. really, just the money. lol.

but seriously, my fellow church member brandawn, said we christians are all either "priestly kings" or "kingly priests" and we have to figure out which. i am not putting anything beyond the LORD's ability to accomplish, but i don't think i was made to be priestly. but i'm also the poorest king i've ever heard of. pastor charles says that's because i haven't yet learned to trust G-D. we'll see.

i don't know if this post made any sense.

I Will Never Be a Competing Slam Poet

On April 28, I wrote a blog titled “I Will Never Be a Slam Poet.”

Here was some of the “rationale” behind that argument.

“I ‘bleed’ too much, feel too much, think too much.”

Last night I was watching Brave New Voices, and it solidified for me what I should have never forgotten. It’s not that I bleed too much, I was just doing it the wrong way. That’s what expression consists of: thoughts, feelings, and blood.

Then, I said, “I used to want to be a slam poet more than anything in the world, but I can't. I was meant to be different. Meant to write, not to perform. Meant to speak, not to recite. Meant to teach, not to compete.”

I said, “I am not saying that slam is shallow (although I know some think it is). Yes, it is a game...but I believe that games and competitions show people's character.“

In response to what I wrote, my friend Lauren Zuniga said, “Slam is just something we do. A game we play so that the Ego can have a good time and give the Spirit permission to write.”

Brave New Voices changed my opinion of all that. Team Philadelphia consisted of Hasan Malik Babb, Josh Bennett, Aysha El Shamayleh, Noel Scales, Chloe Wayne, and Alysia Harris. On the season finale during the final round of the grand slam, the whole team went onstage holding hands and crying. They told the audience that they had not been behaving like a team over the course of the competition. They said the scores and the desire to win had distracted them. Because of this, they made the decision to forfeit the final round as a team. All six of them together chose to say it’s not about the competition but about the poetry, about the difference that words can make. And to top it off, they still performed. They blessed us with their words and refused to be scored. In my opinion, if they hadn’t forfeited, they would have won. I think perhaps they knew that and felt they didn’t deserve to win if the win would mean more than the words. Damn.

Slam is just a game. Prior to watching this episode of this show, I wasn’t sure if there was a right way to play it. But those six kids put the entity of slam poetry to shame. They showed me and the world that the warrior generation really is fighting for something more than titles and recognition.

When the grand slam was over and the rest of the qualifying teams had been scored, they were all brought on stage to announce the winners from low to high. When the announcements were made, the teams were asked to stand in ranked order by their teammates. They all refused. They said they wouldn’t split up that way because they were all one team and it was all one prize. They started shouting, “One Team! One Team! One Team!” And the show’s host threw up his hands, went offstage, sat down and let them do their thing. Their voices were heard. The show ended with all the teams on stage intermingled, hugging each other, congratulating each other, chanting, “BNV ain’t nothin’ to fuck with!” That’s the truth if I’ve ever heard it.

Here are some of the things I texted to Kosher when I was watching this on TV.

“Now, I want to master slam, not to ever win any kind of title but so that I can teach kids how to save their own lives through words and performance.”

“They are so beautiful. That is why I want to teach so that I can help bring that out in them.”
“Those kids have already learned to self-actualize in a way that makes sure nothing can ever be too hard for them.”

The only time I ever cry like I did while I was watching that show is when something intense happens in church. That’s how I know this is holy. Somebody is going to watch that and get saved. Now I know where else to point when the church house isn’t helping.

Those kids have given me direction and desire. They lit a fire in my soul that I thought would never burn outside the four walls of an evangelical church (this thought turned into three poems, especially the one titled “Wise Words”). But now I know: Holy are the beautiful things, peace, humanity, sincerity. And they are holy no matter where they are seen.

Here are some of Kosher’s comments during our conversation.

“You can do it, if you’re ready for holding their bleeding wounds.”
My prayer over the next year is to become ready – through inspiration and meditation on the goal.

“If I would die today, I would be glad knowing that the world will be in good hands. I thank G-D for them.” - Kosher
I agree.
I cried harder when I read this statement, because the competitor in me, the attention whore in me, doesn’t want to die without leaving a mark. That part of me doesn’t want to die today, because then those kids would get all the credit for their bravery and conviction and I would have no legacy to leave. I cried because I knew my feelings were selfish. It doesn’t matter who evokes the change as long as it happens. Fuck my competitive drive. Blessed are the brave hearts for they will be remembered. Humbled are the timid hearts for they will always strive to be remembered.

“It is possible to be saved by the blood of Jesus, but only if Jesus wept from hearing them. They are the living gospel.” - Kosher
That needs to be a line in a poem.

Today, I opened a vein, mixed blood with ink, and it poured out looking like poetry.

Brave New Voice (an homage)

The most powerful lesson I could ever hope to teach
Is the one that shows you there’s no height your dreams can’t reach if you let them.
Human beings are the most destructive
and the most resourceful of all the universe’s things
But I promise you this, new voice,
Someone will hear you if you scream.

Perhaps it will only be your neighbor at first,
But if you show her where you bleed,
She will seek to mother your wound until it seeps into her as well.
And I promise you this, they will hear when two voices scream.

If you tell them you refuse to steal Paco’s culture
Porque su padre no habla ingles
They won’t be able to ignore the noise that you and his whole family make
When you scream

If you tell them love is what we were created to give
And it doesn’t matter if Adam chooses Eve or Steve
Or if all three of them shack up,
All that matters is that they love each other and the world hard enough
to scream

So tell them, new voice,
That you will cover your head even inside their school doors.
You won’t judge them by their gods if they let you worship yours.

Scream until governments no longer turn blind eyes to the men, women, and children dying in the streets.
Scream until your voices reach the corner offices of the tallest Wallstreet buildings.
Scream until one job pays one salary regardless of what organs you carry between your legs,
Until politics becomes about getting work done not about getting words said.
Scream until there are as many programs teaching kids the danger of STDs
As there are corporations selling us sex through our television screens.
Scream until your friends no longer get pulled over simply for driving while black,
Until ghetto children are safe from police attacks.
Scream until gangs are no longer cool and we stop using drugs to escape.
Scream, because, I promise, it’s a nobler way to wade through the pain.
Scream until you can say “I’m proud to be an American
Because everyone here is free.
On this ground, we honor and bless the ones who died to give us what we see.
But I proudly stand up for him, for her, for me,
Because we are the generation that realized the ancestors' dreams.
Our flags have stopped waving and we give our allegiance to one thing
The brave voices that got us where we needed to be.”

Where Life Takes You

My best friend and I were just having a conversation about the future.
Here's how part of it went:
Me: "When I said I wanted to teach, someone said, 'You should try to get on at a private school'."
Insert Jen's disgusted face.
Me: "Oh I know! I said, 'Hell no!' I want the poor, dirty, grungy, gang-bangin' kids that no one believes in. Someone else can have the spoiled rich kids."

We are both juniors who won't be done with school in a year.

She started as a dance performance major here at OCU and did that til midway through sophomore year. She decided that she wanted to try something else. So at the end of that year she went back to Kansas and she goes to Emporia State as a math education major. Then she wants to do graduate work so she can teach science.

I started as a journalism major with no idea what I wanted. Then, as a sophomore, I switched to English because I'm not a news hound but thought I'd still be in publications. I wanted to be Miranda Priestly (fictional character who is the equivalent of Anna Wintour the editor-in-chief of Vogue). Not until about two weeks ago, did I discover that what will really fulfill me is teaching kids to love what I love, or at least teaching them to do it right.

My next dilemma was/is whether to stay in Oklahoma and get my 2nd degree and teaching license here or move somewhere else to do it. Teaching is a more flexible field. Everyone needs teachers. So Jen and I were discussing it.

I asked, "Do I really want to stay here by myself to fight the good fight?"
Jen said no. I woud get drained and tired. I need a support system. "You don't want to go to school and fight for kids that no one else is fighting for, and then come home to an empty apartment with no friends, no husband, and no cat."

She's right. So I'm looking into the University of Kansas which is only about an hour from her. We'll see what happens.

It's sad to say that my mom and my grandparents and my cousins aren't support enough. But Jen brought up another good point. I need unconditional support from people who won't judge me if I decide not to practice Christianity. I love my family, but that's a block they don't get past. That's a block a lot of people don't get past.

"You need to get out of the Bible Belt where non-Christianity is always a deal-breaker."

And I need people my own age. I need my BFF and maybe a man.

It's interesting where life takes you.

The Journey of Learning

This is the first of a series of English assignments that I'm going to post here. Because apparently, my professors think they are rather good.

The Journey of Learning

As students beginning an academic year at Oklahoma City University, all have, at some point, made a formal pledge to the concept of university. By continuing to attend, and by paying tuition, upperclassmen acknowledge that it is still their desire to be part of a “community of learning.” When students became aware of this desire, whether as freshmen at matriculation or before or since, there were three main inferences made about said community. The statement, “We desire to begin this journey into the community of learning,” has a multilayered interpretation. Students are inferring that as a body they are stepping into an atmosphere that they expect to be safe for exercising their intellectual muscles, free for expressing their thoughts, and inspirational for further thought and reason.

A feeling of safety is imperative to a student’s ability to learn. Students must feel that they will not be made fun of, degraded or harmed if they are wrong or do not understand immediately. It must be communicated to them that this learning environment is one where mistakes are expected, corrected and reversed. A student who doesn’t feel like it is acceptable to be wrong will not feel like it acceptable to expand their wealth of knowledge because many learn only by trial and error. A student may not try if they do not feel safe to err. They may not feel secure in mental risk-taking if they do not trust that their advisors and instructors will be there to cultivate their risks or redirect the efforts. The classroom must be an environment that is comfortable, not full of fear. It is the faculty and fellow students, the other members of the community of learning, who alleviate this fear.

In the same way that students must feel safe to learn, they must feel free to express themselves. For many people, in order to retain information, facts must become thoughts and then conversations or writing assignments. A student who is afraid to speak up in class or enter into a dialogue with his instructor is less likely to gain a working knowledge of the subject matter. He may memorize facts and learn to regurgitate them, but he will lack true understanding. A student whose writing is limited by topic or length may feel like they are being told to think inside a box or structure. It may be assumed that traveling outside this structure is wrong and the student might then begin to place cognitive limits on himself. This contradicts the journey of learning; it places unnecessary roadblocks along the path to knowledge. Students are expressing between the lines of their pledge that they desire to have these roadblocks, these limits, removed for them.

Students “desire to begin” their journey. This says they are aware that they have likely not yet started to truly learn. It could be implied that students believe it is the job of instructors to show them the broadness of the horizon of learning. It is instructors’ responsibility to open students’ minds to the idea that learning has no limit and no set path. Prior to matriculating into college many students have felt that they were only “allowed” to hypothesize to a certain extent, only allowed to mentally reach so far. Yet it is the desire, the deep-seated longing, of these students to go past what they have already learned into realms of cognition that they never knew existed. In order for them to succeed in this journey, students need to feel inspired. Some only need services like matriculation to hint to them that the walls are broken down and they are at the threshold of the world. Others need to see it in their professors eyes during lecture, recognize it in the assignments being made, and understand it in the way those assignments are graded.

Students want to feel secure in their learning endeavors and free to express their ideas, conceptions, and misconceptions so that they can be more and more inspired throughout this journey in their community of learning. The desire is underlying in almost everyone and is brought to the forefront through calls-to-action like matriculation convocation.