To President Obama with my condolences - written 10-9-10

Dear Mr. President,
Thank you for teaching me
that there are a lot of people in this country
who really do want things to change.
Thank you for showing me
that there are people crying out against
the way things have always been.
Thank you for being brave enough to stand
for what you think is right.

But I am sorry.
There is one thing I've learned,
day after night after week
of being Black in America:
things don't change just because you want them to.
Things don't change based on what legislators do.
Things only change when multitudes unite behind something they are devoted to.

And despite what we wish to believe,
Americans today are devoted to money.
The only thing out there bigger than money is God.
And the only thing out there big enough to compete with God is money.
The Word doesn't say the Two Masters of Destiny are God and Satan,
the opponent of record coming against the Almighty is wealth,
that desire in humans to leave others struggling while we take care of self.

So I'm laying down my flag.
And it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
See my grandpa,
he fought in one of those wars too.
And my uncle, and cousin, so many of my friends and their husbands.
I have seen so much loss behind this flag.
We wave it so high,
with tears in our eyes,
ghosts in our heads,
and stripes on our arms.
But I've realized,
the only way it actually matters
is if what stands in front of the flag is God.
If what stands in front of the flag is Christ
and His call to fight for the abundant life.
An abundant life to which all members of society are entitled,
not only the wealthy.
The America I want to live in is one that stands for equality,
one where the poor are brought relief,
one where the widows are cared for,
and the sick healed of their disease,
one where Brotherly Love is shown to all of those who don't look like we.
So, you see,
nothing we legislate and no one we elect has the power to bring us peace.

So I'm sorry, but the change that I believe in isn't you.
It's not even a true American Democracy.
And it's scary to stand here and say
that the only hope for our world today,
is a Being far enough removed from the labors of humanity
to deserve to be called the King of Kings.
But He's the only One worthy of my allegiance,
the only One completely above the electoral process
or Washington politics,
the One for whom I'm laying down my life,
giving up my single interests for those of humanity.
He's the One for whom I'm picketing,
with whom I'm standing and weeping.

Dear Mr. President,
I'm sorry you stepped into a role too big for a man,
a role demanding a King.

Trophy

If you make enough money that I don't have to work
and we can still support ourselves, our children, and our loves,
then I will be the best trophy wife you ever saw.

I will work out 4-5 times a week unless I'm sick.
I will cook big and nutritious meals to keep us healthy and happy.
I will entertain our friends and your business partners.
We can have Thanksgiving at our place.
I will have healthy, tame, beautiful hair.
I will drive carpools and host play dates.
I will stand at your side looking trim, beautiful, and so happy to see everyone.
But never think I will be silent, or stupid.
I will engage all of the other trophy wives in enlightening conversation.
I will read and write and create art to the satisfaction of the wives who go to work.
I may even discover a way to make money from home while still being the support and care-giver.
This I promise you, if you make enough money that I can stay at home.

But if you ask that I work,
or better yet,
if our household asks for more income,
I will more than likely throw myself into a job that requires a lot of my emotions.
I may teach school or work at a day care or toy store.
I may go in on a business venture with one of my very ambitious friends and spend a lot of extra time making sure everything is done well.
If I am a working wife,
I still promise to keep the house clean, but it may not be spotless.
I still promise to cook sometimes, but I can't promise that the food will be gourmet or that it will come more than 4 times a week.
We will eat leftovers, and take out.
I can't promise that I will work out regularly.
In fact, when a schedule gets crazy and there are little mouths to feed,
that will be the first thing I scratch off the list.
I may not volunteer to host family get-togethers,
and if you bring someone home unexpectedly,
I will be generous and open-armed,
but my work papers and the laundry may be strewn all over the bedroom.

So I guess what I'm saying is this:
if the extra 20-30 pounds I carry secretly bothers you,
don't bank on it coming off for the wedding.
If you only like my hair permed and coiffed, you will have to make sure we can afford that.
If you demand a home-made meal every night,
you must be willing to cook it yourself sometimes.

But our children will be happy.
They will be hugged and loved,
but taught to be brave.
They will be handled firmly and required to behave,
but they will always know where to lay their head when they weep.
And you will be happy.
I will sit close to you while we watch a movie or game.
I will greet you when you come in and say goodbye to you when you leave.
I will speak gently, but honestly,
thoughtfully, but openly,
and I will speak often.
And when you need me to be quiet, I will be.
And every night when we lay down to sleep,
I will make sure to give what I can when you need it.
I promise you these things,
consistently,
from the time you give me a ring until the time one of us ceases to breathe.
Whether I'm working, or standing like a trophy.

Planting People - more doodles

I drew this while sitting and having a discussion with a group of friends I call a life group. Well, I didn't coin the term. Some churches call them cell groups or small groups. But it's people who go to church with me, and we get together every week at someone's house and we talk about our lives and our struggles and our dreams. We serve as accountability partners and encouragers and mentors.

I was far away from Jesus until I became planted in this group.

LifeChurch.tv's message series right now is about being planted. If I can think of a better way to connect with people of God than a life group I will let you know. But so far it's the best idea I've seen.

And I've seen a lot of ideas.
I've searched far and wide and came up empty until I came back to Jesus.
Whoever finds God finds life.

Doodles

in case you don't look to the right or the left when you open this blog, i now have a new purpose for blogging.
i used to do it to organize all of my thoughts about the world. now it's to showcase what i'm inspired by. maybe you think it's lovely. maybe you think it's juvenile. maybe you think i'm dumb. it doesn't much matter. this is what i do today so that i can do tomorrow what i could not do today.

originally when i did this one, it was meant to be me in a business suit, supposedly as my political self. now it's just a professional representation. i'm probably arguing for more funding for hearOKC. :-)

this i did in class when i should have been taking notes. the mini me popped into my head first, the hand was the first intricate thing i noticed that i could copy. the cross and heart were last, for no good reason, except they are basic images and they are always on my mind.

do either of these mean anything very special to you? or do they jump out at you?

You Can Always Come Home

I'm going to tell you my rendition of what my very dear friend told me, and I hope it helps, at the very least, to get you to open up the channels of communication.

GOD IS NOT MAD AT YOU.
He is not sitting up in Heaven shaking His head because you messed up again, thinking of ways to punish you for your actions. He is holding out His hand asking you to come to Him and let Him "fix" things. Sometimes, I think He's on His metaphorical knees, begging you to come to Him...
...not because He's a weak God who needs us to validate Himself, but because He is a perfect, loving, Father, friend, and Savior who wants the best for us, and only He knows what's best. He knows because He created us, and the best thing for us is His will.

"you can ALWAYS come home"

News

Arbitrarily irritated: my grandfather told my mom I can't afford my car. I am a full-time college student working 25-35 hours a week and still getting As. What exactly are you complaining about?

In other news: I am about to catch up on my school work.
I had a mini-nervous breakdown on Sunday/Monday, due in part to the strange over-medicated experience I had Saturday evening.

Again, I might graduate in May, rather than December, especially now that my grandpa thinks it's okay to persecute me while I'm trying to get a degree.

The meeting of the Kaleo Life Group sets the whole tone for my week, and we went to the OK State Fair this past week, and are considering skipping this upcoming week. :-/ I'll have to figure out how to keep myself on track.

I know a guy who really wants to be my boyfriend.
I am scared.

I want to get back into blogging.
If I bail on the education degree (and go the alternative route), I'll have 3-6 hours of available B.S. class time next semester where I might take a course called "Blogs: New Independent Media." Or I might take Spanish. Spanish is probably the better idea. 

That's all.

whoever finds God finds life

i would hope that you don't think you have to believe in the lifechurch.tv high-tech mega-church model to believe this. the thing that people often miss about us is that we don't care about our buildings or our technology. those are just tools we use to get to God. the only place where true life exists is in Him.

i have something akin to an interview tomorrow with some people about worship ministry.
i am a bit overwhelmed. i tweeted this the other day: "if you're looking for it, God always goes for shock and awe." He has completely revolutionized my life. this year is shaping up to be a perfect 2010 for reasons i could never have predicted.

i can't even type a coherent blog post because there are so many thoughts running through my head.

i have realized, yet again, that there is no one like the living God.
i know, better than many, that i'm not qualified to say that. i've said contradictory things so many times. but that's what makes Him the greatest in this world or any other. He is strong enough to take chances even on those who have let Him down before.

i have to reign myself in everyday.
i have to fight off the guilt everyday.
i have to fight off the temptation everyday.
and i am scared everyday.
but God is faithful everyday.
and God is forgiving everyday.
and He heals a little piece of something everyday.
He plants a little seed of something everyday.

and i trust Him.

i pray that all of us let our hearts be softened, let ourselves be romanced, by the God of the universe.
at the very least, i promise you'll never be bored!