There was a guy. He doesn't exist in my world anymore. For once, I think I really hurt his feelings too (not just he mine).
Long story short: I came on too strong (damn my driver personality sometimes). He hinted at being just friends. I am bad at backtracking and kept pushing. He called me out on it. I got defensive. He got defensive. I got pissed and said mean things. We're not even friends on FB anymore.
To an extent that needed to happen, because I would not have backed off if he hadn't MADE me. I want what I want when I want it.
But I am sad, because I over-reacted. If I had been calmer about the situation, we might be able to still share thoughts and that's what I wanted. That's what I liked about him to begin with.
He was an English undergrad and is getting a master's in library science and instructional technology. SO SMART. And I loved knowing that if I wanted to talk about something nerdy he would get it. I used to fantasize about homework parties.
I'm sad that we couldn't be friends. I'm not trying to shirk blame for flying off the handle, but I really think it's for the best because I would have continued to try to start something if things hadn't gone the way they did.
So, who wants to help me find an older, mature, intellectual type who is avant garde, likes my strong will and my opinions, and appreciates art?
Nice post hun, keeping it real. And don't worry, perhaps he feels the same and eventually (in time) you guys will become friends again :o)
ReplyDeleteI like you're description of what you want in a man...keep looking, but chill, it will come when it comes.
I don't think that will happen. He was feeling stand-offish anyway and then I was mean to him. That doesn't say much for why he would want to be my friend later on. Damn my temper.
ReplyDelete