this is a sinner's prayer

dear Lord,
obviously, as Creator, You can do whatever You please,
but here is a sinner's prayer:
teach me to be a Christian through poetry.

i think john really knew what was up when he said
the Word was God.
he said Your creativity spoke the universe into being.
Your ability to breathe Poetry is the only reason we exist.
You said it
and it had no choice but to come true.

so when i'm struggling through paying bills and making ends meet,
remind me of the beauty in matthew 6
when You promised that my heavenly Father would provide
like He did for the grass and the lilies.

when i'm feeling ugly and the spare tire is causing me grief,
point me in the direction of the full-breasted, heavy-set mother-women
who nurtured my poetic contemporaries:
phyllis
mahoghany
jill scott
the queens
melissa
mrs. jackson
...surely, You wrote us down perfectly.

when i'm tired of looking at a ringless finger,
remind me of the beautiful men i know
and the lies their ex-wives told them.
let the verses bring me to my knees in repentance and thanksgiving.
any of those ex-wives could have been me
had i been allowed to say "i do"
without knowing who i am.

dear Jesus,
don't ever allow the flame to die out
where the fire inside me burns for the babies.
continue to keep me crying with every teenage poet
who hits the stage at BNV,
and the ones who don't make it that far.
continue to move me by the stories
of the kids who don't know they can write out their feelings.
keep me like You,
arms open, smiling,
suffering the little ones into our embraces.
matthew 19: the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

this is a sinner's prayer:

may my head forever nod to the world's beat,
because if i don't know what they're looking for,
i can't point them toward the You they need to see.

may the rhythm of my hips
forever entice the men to know YOU move me.

may the fullness of insecurity rest between these breasts
until a poem is born in my heart that i truly believe,
that genuinely shows little girls their thighs don't have to fit in size-2 jeans.

and may this finger remain ringless.
dear Jesus.
paul told the corinthians it is better to marry than to burn with lust.
but spare us all the misery of a marriage born from physical immaturity.
when i meet the man who inspires me
to write poems about GOD'S love for me,
when You are the center of his, my, and our everything,
then,
only then can we talk about wedding rings.

i'm begging You to make it beautiful.
i am too selfish to fall in love with the ordinary.
so keep before my eyes all genres of things that move me,
that show me both where You are
and where We need to be.

i don't think i can do this Christian thing without poetry.